miri

So yesterday was the cap off to one hellish week. My depression kicked in pretty bad over the week. I'd just moved home from campus early to clear me head and everything. Somehow though, I think things have less to do with location and more to do with how I handle my own sanity. I got fired from the job I was aiming to make as my career. First off, I've never been fired before. Second, I never saw it coming. I've been working at a gym until I finish my cert. as a personal trainer (this Jan). I've been sick a lot lately and school dragged me down (even though I failed every class except for one this semester). Mind you, I am/was in the honors program. Asides from plain sickness, sometimes I just CAN'T get out of bed in the morning. And I wish that people understood what that was like-- to be so low sometimes that you can't even care for yourself. You can't even get out of bed, shower and go to work. I wish every employer, professor, and person out there knew that I am not lazy and careless, just impaired from time to time.

Out of the blue though, my boss fired me. Ka-put. I left bawling and went straight to my boyfriend's house. It would have been fine though, except that Chris was in one weird mood. This girl on our campus just hung herself in her dorm room closet just a few nights ago. He'd had sex with her once at a party and knew her through mutual friends. It wasn't so much that he was upset about it, just fascinated and obsessed with it-- going into detail and talking about it all day, which creeped me out until I eventually broke down about it later. He's good to me though, and he dropped it right quick and told me how sorry he was. It's just been a weird week. Not to mention, my computer crashed and I lost EVERYTHING.

Ugh, I don't know. At least I make great money at the diner. And, I can relax. And school is over. I'm back on campus for the remainder of finals. (Yep, back and forth.) Who knows what will make me happy. I'm not stable enough to be a trainer for others yet. This I know. There are reasons for everything. I need to be happier with ME and get my head straight before I can take on clients.

Blah.

I'll be okay.