So, apparently I'm a crazy fool! Had another counselling session today, new place though as I withdrew from work supported counselling as they were using it against me in the end i.e-but we are supporting you by paying for counselling but also making that worthless by screwing you at the same time 
Have a nice day.
So now I'm attending the NHS service and after todays session (my 3rd) it's growing on me. Got to some good points today I think. Although a large majority concerntrates on how I can get through day to day in work while being continuely stabbed in the back by bosses and H.R and dealing with my nemesis (who is delighted by the way that everything has worked out peachy for her...I should learn to cry in front of my bosses more often)...so that's not working then....but today I got to the point where I admitted I hate myself and apparently I throw myself full into friendships to positivley reinforce my view of myself, when I'm let down it's a reflection on myself.
And then i went and ruined it all! I met someone a while back on facebook who I hit it off with, same taste in music, tv, films, books...not often I ever meet someone like that and we've been in pretty much constant contact every day for a while now. She's been great support through the grief at work. But recently she asked to hear my voice and maybe send her a video, now alarm bells did ring when I heard this but if you refer to the paragraph above I'm an idiot! So I picked up a cheap webcam when i came out of counselling thinking it may help me out a bit. Now I don't keep anything from my girlfriend (we've been going out 13 years and I love her so much) so I told her straight away what the story was. She went ballistic at me, and I get why ...but I feel really shit now. I feel like I've let her down but i also feel like I owe myself this friendship after everything.....so, back to square one
Have a nice day.
So now I'm attending the NHS service and after todays session (my 3rd) it's growing on me. Got to some good points today I think. Although a large majority concerntrates on how I can get through day to day in work while being continuely stabbed in the back by bosses and H.R and dealing with my nemesis (who is delighted by the way that everything has worked out peachy for her...I should learn to cry in front of my bosses more often)...so that's not working then....but today I got to the point where I admitted I hate myself and apparently I throw myself full into friendships to positivley reinforce my view of myself, when I'm let down it's a reflection on myself.
And then i went and ruined it all! I met someone a while back on facebook who I hit it off with, same taste in music, tv, films, books...not often I ever meet someone like that and we've been in pretty much constant contact every day for a while now. She's been great support through the grief at work. But recently she asked to hear my voice and maybe send her a video, now alarm bells did ring when I heard this but if you refer to the paragraph above I'm an idiot! So I picked up a cheap webcam when i came out of counselling thinking it may help me out a bit. Now I don't keep anything from my girlfriend (we've been going out 13 years and I love her so much) so I told her straight away what the story was. She went ballistic at me, and I get why ...but I feel really shit now. I feel like I've let her down but i also feel like I owe myself this friendship after everything.....so, back to square one