so i think tonight i managed to acheive what so many people, so many girl people so often try to acheive.
i successfully crossed a very significant river. i completed a very sucessfulll mission.
it's that situation when you've got a really great friend, who you are undeniably attracted to, and want to be involved with, but at the same time, you don't want to be involved at all, with anyone, because you find that very futile. but you like this person, and you very genuinely want to be with them, in a way, you love this person, because you love how they do things and you love being with them. and then you cross the piont where all that awkward tension that exsists between a girl and a guy friend who are close and into each other desimates because you were able to cut through it. and now instead of having 'oh shit' and 'what does it mean?' you had, wow, i have an awesome friend, and now my friendship with them is better because this a person i could make out with [and have it be awesome] or just as easily spend hours with and not even care about the time, because it's all awesome, and perhaps even in an ideal world, have both.
all of a sudden,you're like, snap, we really get each other, and it's all gravy because it's not a big deal, because it's not when you really are chill with someone. and when people ask, do you like him? you can seriously answer yes, and when people ask, if you're worried about it, or what it means, you can seriously say no, because there's no weird pressure.
it's just...just is.
and a valuable lesson learned, making out does not need to be stressful. fucking finally. i'm so tired of fun shit being stressful. fuck stress. the cool kids don't like stress.
damn, i'm so pleased with myself.
this time last 'involvement' i was freaking out, i was exhilirated and scared out of my mind, and today, i feel remarkably chilled. i feel like i made good choices. and that nothing has been awkward-ed, i feel like i've reached a level of social interaction with someone where i'm comfortable, and comfortable with multiple aspects of a friendship.
i feel very grown-up, because i don't feel like 'little girl high school' dramatic. i feel fine. in fact, i'm rather pleased with myself.
oh, it's just all so chuck klosterman, and i think all those who matter will agree Chuck Klosterman is pretty fucking awesome.
and ps. i don't feel guilty. which is a nice change. i feel fine. that's right, biatch.