minimalism

I've started to notice a few people around here talking about it being the end of the year and their achievements during the past 12 months. And even though New Year's is one of my favorite holidays it hadn't really sunk in for me for some reason that 2009 is coming up so soon.

If you would have asked me to talk about the things that I went through since August of 2007 it would have been very painful up until about last month. I have been very bitter and pissed off for a long time and I'm just now starting to feel better. You see back on August 7, 2007 I posted this journal. I never spoke of it again here because what happened since that point was all downhill and I don't post depressing personal journals very often. I didn't want to talk about it until there was some kind of happy ending.

The company I worked for since 1998 is the most underhanded, conniving, despicable piece of shit I have ever encountered in my life. I gave them 9 years of hard work with long, weird hours and in return I ended up with asthma. And because I filed a claim against them and am taking them to court over the issue they turned around and found a (not so legitimate) way to fire me.

From August 2007 through September 2008 I was out of work and looking to go back to doing the one thing I loved more than anything else, railroading. It was a daunting task to find another railroad willing to take on a conductor who had been injured on the job and had filed a lawsuit against the company they had worked for. You're looked upon with disdain and contempt. For all intents and purposes blacklisted from any major railroad. Fortunately, I was able to find another job at a different, much smaller railroad, with a boss who understands completely how fucked up the corporate railroads can be. I told him how I got fucked over and he took me on no questions asked. He'd been through the ringer with a few railroads earlier in his career himself.

Now having explained all that it's still impossible to put into words how distraught and depressed I was during all of this. I took a lot of it out on close friends and lost a couple of them. It was a very shitty time for me and I often had difficulties keeping going. If it wasn't for making music I might not have survived.

I've been writing songs for nearly 12 years on and off. At one point I thought it would be a career and actually had quite a bit of success. The project I was in from 96-99 was almost singed to Warner Bros Records. We split up before that happened because my partner got married and moved away.

For a while I gave up the idea that I'd ever make it in the music biz and railroading became the focus of my life. It was paying well and was for the most part a fun job, but part of me really wanted to get back to making tunes. To give it one more big push before I called it quits, just to know for certain that I had given it my best shot.

In 2006 I started working on new songs for a full length CD. It was coming along really well and I was saving up for the cost of manufacturing it. In July of 2007 it was finally done and ready to be released. I sent it off to the plant and waited for them to mass produce it. I was all set to pick it up in early August and have it in stores by September. And then I got injured and that changed everything.

Money became tight really quick with doctors visits nearly every week and being out of work for 2 months didn't help. Finally when I was given the green light to return to work not a week later I was fired. They trumped up fake charges against me and held a internal investigation. It was the biggest crock of shit I've ever seen. My boss outright lied about things he had done and things I didn't do. And having a Union representative who was a month from retiring and didn't give a shit about my case didn't help at all.

So now, without a job, without health insurance, a brand new case of asthma, and 1000 newly minted CDs I had just paid $1300 for I was left with no money for bills, no money for doctors visits or medicine and no money to release the CD I had worked my ass off to make. Needless to say I was not pleased at all.

I've been through bad times before in my life, but this was definitely the worst one ever. Some days I was so angry and bitter that I didn't know what to do with myself. Other days I was so sad that I knew what I wanted to do to myself and it would not have been pretty.

I don't know how I managed to gather the strength, but I kept trudging on making more music. It was the only thing keeping me sane. In February I was able to finally get my first full length CD released. Shortly after that in May I got out another 4 track ep. I sold one of my songs to a label in Belgium which came out in July and then I put out another 5 track ep in September. All this on the most shoestring budget any artist has ever had the displeasure of having to work with.

Somehow I made it all happen. From one of the lowest points of my life I've managed to make one of the best comebacks I've ever made. And while I'm not quite where I want to be as a producer, I do have a job as a conductor again, actually I've worked up to becoming an engineer now that I'm at this new place, and I am not slowing down with my music anytime soon. I will have three new releases out within the first quarter of next year.

2008 is a year that part of me will want to forget and part of me will want to remember forever. But make no mistake about it, I'm really looking forward to even bigger and better things in 2009.

Special thanks to a few people who really helped me out over the past 12 months. Stiles, not once did you let me down. You kept me fed, the bills paid, and you got my car running great again. Treblah hooked me up with a temp job that got me through some of the worst financial situations I was going through. _Pie_, you were there for me in ways no one else was. You'll have a special place in my heart forever. And last, but not least zoomusikgrl, who got me out of the house when I hadn't showered for days, hadn't slept, and was in desperate need of company. She bought me booze and hot wings. Thank you all.

And some apologies are in order, though I doubt they'll be read by the people who I'd like to read them. mydogfarted, khoos, GlassHeart, and JustBlaze. I was an asshole to you all. I suck and I'm sorry. If you read this it may better explain what I was going through, while in my mind it in no way justifies my behaviors. Hope you all can forgive me.

This is an hour long mix of songs I have written, if you are interested in hearing them.

If you are interested in purchasing any of the songs in the set most of them are available on iTunes, eMusic, Napster, Rhapsody, and Amazon. Search for minimal: impossible.