Okay, so i learned something about myself last night...
IM NOT A FUCKING PIRATE!
Okay, now you are wondering, WTF? Cattra is a baddass Pirate captain queen right? Well, no. Pirates are filthy disgusting creatures, seriously. Last night me, Mojo and Beppo went to move the boat. It involved carrying a heavy ass dinghy down the beach, putting it in the water, boarding it, then it took on water, so we had to scratch that idea. Then we busted Beppo's other dinghy out of sherrifs impound and used that to go to the boat. I sat on the wet NASTY dock for about an hour waiting for them to return to the dock with the boat. It was cold and i was VERY bored. Then they show up with the boat. It was filthy. The mast had fallen down, the deck was covered in mud, it was a mess. I think i said "OMG EEEW' enough times to trademark it. And i wanted to be a good pirate and prove my hardcore status, so i tried to help the guys do all the boat shit... all i could say was "OMG EEW" everytime i touched anything on that boat. It was disgusting. Then i went down below to find some hose clamps... after FIVE FUCKING MINUTES i was seasick. Again. I got seasick when i went down below last time too. Puked over the side of the boat. It was real charming. So back to the dock it was for me, then another hour wait while the guys moved it to anchorage.
During my wait i became super hungry, and while walking over to the bathrooms i noticed that someone had abandoned a pile of sealed in plastic wrap chocolate chip muffins. SCORE. It was like hitting the "forage" button in Everquest and having a little thing appear in front of my eyes that said "You Found Foraged Cupcakes!" So, i munched 2 and saved some for the guys.
The hour passed and i sat on the beach burning a stick of Nag Champa incense to relax and then the guys showed up. Well, i had told beppo that i didnt want to be treated like a helpless girl so he barked orders to get stuff off the dingy. I did. Then he handed me 2 handfulls of wet moldy trash to take away. Again, a world of EEEW! Finally, it was time to take the dingy out of the water and carry it to the car, it was inflateable, so not too heavy. ANyway, it had been in the water for weeks and was slimy, disgusting and full of rancid seawater. Guess who helped carry it over her head? Me. I swear i felt slimy barnacles in my hair. It was a total "OMG EEW" situation.
So, alas, i have discovered i am NOT A PIRATE! Not a seagoing one anyway. I love pirate merchandise. I love pirate style. I HATE the smell, the texture, the sand, the slime and the lack of available treasure when on a 24 ft sail boat. I am a WENCH. A helpful one though. I am the girl you bring treasure back to. AFTER you shower. Btw, the guys stunk like stray kittens that slept on car engines and were fed ALPO cat food by the homeless and cuddled by kids with muddy hands. Seriously, just like dirty stray kittens. I say kittens because i knew that they could shower and become fluffy and clean again, but at the time, i just wanted to dunk em both in the sink with antibacterial dish soap.
Yup. Im a pirate fraud with a vocabulary of "OMG EEEW!" oh, but i did repeatedly ask for rum. So im not hopless.
Ps. I got the job at Metro Park!!! Annnnd my divorce is final as of today. Fruition. Gotta love it!
xoxoxo
Cattra the
not Cattra the 
IM NOT A FUCKING PIRATE!
Okay, now you are wondering, WTF? Cattra is a baddass Pirate captain queen right? Well, no. Pirates are filthy disgusting creatures, seriously. Last night me, Mojo and Beppo went to move the boat. It involved carrying a heavy ass dinghy down the beach, putting it in the water, boarding it, then it took on water, so we had to scratch that idea. Then we busted Beppo's other dinghy out of sherrifs impound and used that to go to the boat. I sat on the wet NASTY dock for about an hour waiting for them to return to the dock with the boat. It was cold and i was VERY bored. Then they show up with the boat. It was filthy. The mast had fallen down, the deck was covered in mud, it was a mess. I think i said "OMG EEEW' enough times to trademark it. And i wanted to be a good pirate and prove my hardcore status, so i tried to help the guys do all the boat shit... all i could say was "OMG EEW" everytime i touched anything on that boat. It was disgusting. Then i went down below to find some hose clamps... after FIVE FUCKING MINUTES i was seasick. Again. I got seasick when i went down below last time too. Puked over the side of the boat. It was real charming. So back to the dock it was for me, then another hour wait while the guys moved it to anchorage.
During my wait i became super hungry, and while walking over to the bathrooms i noticed that someone had abandoned a pile of sealed in plastic wrap chocolate chip muffins. SCORE. It was like hitting the "forage" button in Everquest and having a little thing appear in front of my eyes that said "You Found Foraged Cupcakes!" So, i munched 2 and saved some for the guys.
The hour passed and i sat on the beach burning a stick of Nag Champa incense to relax and then the guys showed up. Well, i had told beppo that i didnt want to be treated like a helpless girl so he barked orders to get stuff off the dingy. I did. Then he handed me 2 handfulls of wet moldy trash to take away. Again, a world of EEEW! Finally, it was time to take the dingy out of the water and carry it to the car, it was inflateable, so not too heavy. ANyway, it had been in the water for weeks and was slimy, disgusting and full of rancid seawater. Guess who helped carry it over her head? Me. I swear i felt slimy barnacles in my hair. It was a total "OMG EEW" situation.
So, alas, i have discovered i am NOT A PIRATE! Not a seagoing one anyway. I love pirate merchandise. I love pirate style. I HATE the smell, the texture, the sand, the slime and the lack of available treasure when on a 24 ft sail boat. I am a WENCH. A helpful one though. I am the girl you bring treasure back to. AFTER you shower. Btw, the guys stunk like stray kittens that slept on car engines and were fed ALPO cat food by the homeless and cuddled by kids with muddy hands. Seriously, just like dirty stray kittens. I say kittens because i knew that they could shower and become fluffy and clean again, but at the time, i just wanted to dunk em both in the sink with antibacterial dish soap.
Yup. Im a pirate fraud with a vocabulary of "OMG EEEW!" oh, but i did repeatedly ask for rum. So im not hopless.
Ps. I got the job at Metro Park!!! Annnnd my divorce is final as of today. Fruition. Gotta love it!
xoxoxo
Cattra the
not Cattra the VIEW 17 of 17 COMMENTS
And oh yeah congrats on the divorce and the job.