I know, nobody (or none of my acquaintances) give a fuck about my life or my mental health and especially nobody gives any fuck about my not existing "love life". This year pretty much everything is fucked up and several weeks ago I made the mistake to once again give it a try and open myself up to a woman I know and unfortunately felt more for. I already knew the outcome of my pretty long text, but I still tapped the send icon in Whatsapp...
Well, it went as already mentioned in the title. Her response was as expected one of the 5% kind. In my life, as far as love is concerned, nothing ever happens in a "normal" way.
A little explanation:
If I would enter a room with 100 women I am interested in and would introduce myself to all ladies, 95 would leave immediately with disgust. From the remaining 5(%), two ladies would talk to me, but tell me soon they are in love/a relationship/married or similar. Two other ladies would have some quirks I could not stand, e.g. they would smoke, take drugs, have personalities which would clash with my lifestyle, hate my lifestyle or my little zoo or something like that. And the last lady would even talk with me and might even vibe in a certain way... but in the end she would tell it's so sad I live so far away and that this distance would make a relationship impossible.
And that is what happend again this time... after I wrote one hell of a text, she first didn't know what to answer and I told her she could of course take her time because I don't want to push anybody and I didn't want to make her feel uncomfortable.
In the end a day later she just told me I would live too far away and she would never move to another city... I mean, I knew she would say something like that, but still it fuckin' hurts! Her message hit me like a pipe to the face telling me "go fuck yourself, I'll never move for anyone".
How come I "know" I don't even need to try, because I will end up with the 5% answer? Did I commit any horrible crime against something I have to pay for now? Have I done something so cruel karma is now telling me to go find a tree and take a rope? And I don't want to beg for pitty or nice words, but the worst part is that I have nobody I could talk to about this. No friends, not a single person who would talk with me about this or even understand how much that fucks me up...
So, sorry for wasting your time (if you really took the time to read my crap), I can handle myself. It does not help with my self-esteem, but I just needed to vent.
