Can I be loved?

8

First of all, sorry. I don't want to sound whiny, but since two days my mood is going deep down the drain and depression is kicking not only in but nearly knocking me out. I need a cheer up or maybe some nice advice from someone. And as my "friends" are no real help, maybe I can find it in here?
I know I am not the hottest guy around (never been, but that's nothing that bothers me ;) ) but still there are some moments in which I unfortunately question my whole existence and it's all for a simple question: "Can I be loved?" Is it possible for a woman to love me? Do I deserve to be loved by a woman? Or am I really such a creepy and selfish asshole like I was told? I know this is derogatory and may sound mean and I really don't mean to be disrespecting anybody! But when I look around in my "city" and in my circle of "friends" I see guys who are "uglier" than me and/or take less care of their body and hygiene sometimes being in a relationship, having a girl or affairs or even get married. And I am sitting at home with my little zoo in my own house... alone. To be honest, I have never been good at meeting with women/girls and as weird as it might seem I feel way more comfortable being fucked up in the wrestling ring, hell even getting thumbtacked(!), than talking to a woman or even trying to convince one of me. I mean, I have my faults (but I am working hard on NOT being an arrogant asshole like my father), I am not rich but still I like to give love and be nice to anyone who deserves it. Just this week I tipped two of the beautiful ladies here because it felt right. However I sometimes question myself when I sit at home and talk with my dogs and cats if there is a reason why even my own wife embraced the dick of that son of a bitch so gladly that she happily ruined what I hoped to be a life? I mean sure I am not the best lover (trust me, I am shit as far as sex is concerned, so I can understand why my ex-wife was frustrated and it is hard to admit that...) but do I have something on my face only women can see which screams "Do not let this creepy bastard near you!"??? I don't know and maybe it is destined for me to stay alone until the end?
Do I think I'm a creepy motherfucker lurking in the shadows and thinking only about one thing? Hell NO! I would just like to have that feeling back again of being loved by a woman. Not for sexual pleaseure, but just feeling the warmth of a person next to me, knowing there is someone who likes me the way I really am and not having to put on fake smiles. Maybe it's just a phase which is a bit longer, but it just does not feel good to be alone... Don't get me wrong, I love my furry girls more than I love any living person, but in times like these it gets hard to even get up for work again.

Does anybody have some avise for me? And please don't tell me that everything will get better! I know it will, it's just that down phase at the moment and I need to vent somewhere. Because if I would write this text on my facebook... well, first my mother would freak out and call me if i need help and why I am sharing such personal information with "all the world". Then I would maybe get some sad reacts and maybe some people would write a line or two. Unfortunately I know that NOBODY of my "friends" would call me or even drop by and see how I'm doing. How do I know? I've posted a little "cry for help" on my Whatsapp status... the only person who reacted was my secret crush neighbour who tried to cheer me up... at least she tried.
So, just as I said, there is no need to be sorry for me or even be worried, but I just needed to put this down in a text and post it somewhere. Also, I would NEVER let my little zoo alone. ;)

So, ladies, keep on being wonderful and guys, don't be jerks and treat them respectfully. ;) Or as I like to say: Health is the most important thing in life. Love is the most beautiful. :)

VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
miloszbeardlove:
@xheartswornx  I totally agree with you on this. It's very common for women to choose "bad guys" and complain about them over and over, whilst the nice guy sits next to her and listens. Kind of story of my life, haha. I always try to be nice to everyone I meet or know, at least if they show me the respect I show them. For me it was never the question of feeling superior to anyone as my parents raised me to be " a good boy", which sometimes makes life even harder when facing situations which would require some asshole mentality. Not exactly an asshole like Mr. Anderson did back in TNA some years ago, but sometimes such an attitude might come in handy. Even my wrestling "boss" Alex Wright told me on Saturday I should not let myself be fooled or pushed around by the wrestlers. But still, I don't like to be mean or piss anybody off. My approach is "If I'm not wanted somewhere, I leave" or if somebody takes too much advantage of my kindness then I just don't offer my help anymore or cut the contact. Had to do this with many people in the past year, simply beacause so many former "friends" just used my kindness and will to help and never gave back anything. And it is (at least for me) never an option to give up and just let myself go, because as we already stated life has many good things to offer and it's always better to try be happy than to get lost in anger about "nonsense". As far as friendships are concerned, I have to honest and say it would be a dream to befriend some of the ladies here (and some gentlemen) and maybe some day meet a couple of them! Just because I love meeting new people and as far as this site here goes, simply because the respect shown in here is tremendous.
miloszbeardlove:
@rowenna Thank you for your kind words! You are rabsolutely right with the relationships. It is never a good thing to be with someone not to be alone. Such "relationships" are very destructive. I even did take a break from the internet three months ago for five weeks. I did not log in to facebook and my mobile phone was offline, too. It felt very good and healed me a good bit. We now have the problem of thinking we "have to do things" and constantly either work on something or get better everyday. We sometimes forget to lay back and have a rest and just enjoy a cup of tea or listen to a good song. We tend to want too much and this takes too much from us. Like the motto of my capoeira group: "Para nao ser cativo de ninguem", but today we are enslaved to more things by choice than necessary. And sometimes we need to break these chains ourselves and live our life and as you said: Treat yourself like the love of your life.

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