Sooo I've been dating this guy for 3 months now, and he knew when we first started talking that I was on SG and that I'm a hopeful on here. He loved the idea, thought it was hot, etc., and didn't have a problem with it. Granted, he thought that I was just gonna be a one night stand kinda thing, and that's it. Well, now we care quite a bit for each other, and the thing is, he HATES the fact that I'm on here, and that I have sets for hundreds of guys to see. He's constantly making jabs about how all a guy would have to do to see me naked is to get on here and look, and yada, yada, yada. And it's just so infuriating, because I love being on here. I do. I mean, yeah I get upset about SG not ever buying any of my sets, or my sets not doing well and crap, but that's not the point. It makes me feel good about myself. It really does. I am soooo self-conscious about myself, it's not even funny. Well...I used to be. Ever since I've started putting up sets 2 years ago, I actually like myself and the way I look. I mean, don't get me wrong, I know I'm not the hottest thing in the world, but then again, I don't think I'm as ugly as I once did. Like...SG just gives me that boost of self-confidence that I need. And that's why I love SG. And it's just so frustratingly sad that this guy is so against me doing it. Like, he said that he isn't going to make me stop, and that he doesn't want me to stop bc it's what I enjoy doing. But at the same time, it hurts his feelings that his girlfriend is showing hundreds of people my girly parts, and that when I send him pics, it doesn't mean the same or doesn't feel as special to him because all he would have to do is get on here and look. I mean.....how the hell am I supposed to take that??? Naturally I don't want to do anything that would upset him, or hurt him, so that would lead to me not modeling anymore. Because it would upset him. But.....I just...I really enjoy it. It's not the fact that, Ohhh, I'm showing you my lady bits, give me love and sweet comments. It's not that at all. When I shoot, I feel confident in myself. I feel beautiful and sexy. I actually feel attractive. And I feel that that makes me a better person all around. It does. Before I started shooting as a hopeful on here, I used to degrade myself SO much. I straight up hated myself and everything about me. It drove people away at times. And I just...I don't want to go back to that. I really love "modeling." So what if I don't get published or SG never buys one of my sets. I don't care. As long as it makes me happy, and I feel that it betters myself as a person, then I want to do it. But should I really keep doing it if it's going to keep hurting him and causing problems with our relationship?? Like, I understand where he's coming from, I really do. I wouldn't like it either if I was dating someone and they had nudies all over the internet. It'd make me jealous I guess..but then again, I'd know that I was the only one that actually got to enjoy that body in person. So...idk. It's really starting to get stressful, because I know it bothers him, I know it does. And I hate the fact that it does bother him as much as it does, so part of me wants to do everything I can to make him happy. But another part of me is wanting to keep modeling because I love it so much....So...what should I do? I know I'm going to get the response of, "Do what makes you happy." But....that doesn't help at all. Because no matter what I choose, I wont be happy.... *sigh* Why must this be so difficult??
