I still remember when I had the desire to be part of Suicidegirls, when I was excited about belonging to that community and growing in it. That excitement disappeared quickly, but I never lost hope. I've tried everything and have done everything possible to improve, give my best, and be content and satisfied with what I do on this website.

I have spent a lot of money here, paying for hotels, Airbnb, transportation, and everything that comes with leaving home, as well as various photographers. All my sets have been paid rigorously to the photographer who took them, always ensuring that they were willing and eager to take my photos, as I put a lot of effort into everything I do.

But none of what I have done has served for Suicidegirls, for them to accept me as I am, to feel welcomed, and, obviously, to eventually become an official Suicidegirl, to achieve Pink status.

I don't know if I should end this and close my page; I don't know if I should delete everything and simply move on. I believe I can't do more; I don't have the desire, energy, money, or the will to invest more time in creating photo sets. I also don't currently find any photographer that I like enough to reopen and allow them to take pictures of me.

I hate when photographers say yes to everything, when they fill my ears telling me they can take great photos and understand the perspective of this website, that they know what the community wants, and then realize that it's not true. I know a thousand times more because I know the website and have always put a lot of effort into everything I do here.

I needed to say this; I know many people won't like reading it, but it's necessary for me to confess my feelings to you once and for all.

Thank you for reading,
- Miiya