miho

Kay so it's time to pull my head out of my ass. I have been doing a lot of thinking lately and I really want to make myself a better person. The problem is that it is hard to know where to start. I have never been one to doubt myself or be plagued with worries about others perceptions but I find that is my focus more and more, it is a hard way to live. I want to break out of this shell I have suddenly developed. I have changed so much over the past little while and I just can't figure out why. So far I have chalked everyting up to the Depo shot but I have been off that for at least a year and so I have no excuses for my insecurities. I am really starting to excell at my job and that helps, to hear from people that I am doing well srokes the ego.

I want to be the best and I am beating myself up for falling short. I have gained almost 50 pounds since going on the shot and stoping and I think that is probably the worst part about it. I have always eaten whatever I want and never had to worry about the consecuences, well it has all caught up. It is vicious though cause I want to be slim and hot and not have to work at it. I expect too much to come easy as life has so far for me and now that I have to work at it it sucks .

I guess that it is all part of growing up or some shit like that.