Here is today's journal entry:
Well....Its not like i have anything worth listening to anyhow.
Ok fine here it is then......So i sit in a tiny room and i'm surrounded by my art form. I think about the lines and passages that are springing to life and I can't really make sense of them. I'm blinded by the light shining through the window as I realize that I have no control of what is being produced. Or do I? Am I actually in total control of whats going on and not able to understand the relation myself? It seems so random but so beautiful. I sink deeper and deeper into the sound until the entire world around me is gone and the tiny little room has turned into a space larger than the universe. And of course somebody knocks on the door and I realize I'm back in that tiny room stuck on the side of an old building. All the wonderful creations that i had discovered were just random plunks of dischord. I go back to the office and suffer more of the wrath of lesser beings that believe they deserve more than what should be dealt to such creatures. They feed off of my soul day in and day out. I'm starting to worry that I might not have any left for any that may deserve it in the future.
Well....Its not like i have anything worth listening to anyhow.
Ok fine here it is then......So i sit in a tiny room and i'm surrounded by my art form. I think about the lines and passages that are springing to life and I can't really make sense of them. I'm blinded by the light shining through the window as I realize that I have no control of what is being produced. Or do I? Am I actually in total control of whats going on and not able to understand the relation myself? It seems so random but so beautiful. I sink deeper and deeper into the sound until the entire world around me is gone and the tiny little room has turned into a space larger than the universe. And of course somebody knocks on the door and I realize I'm back in that tiny room stuck on the side of an old building. All the wonderful creations that i had discovered were just random plunks of dischord. I go back to the office and suffer more of the wrath of lesser beings that believe they deserve more than what should be dealt to such creatures. They feed off of my soul day in and day out. I'm starting to worry that I might not have any left for any that may deserve it in the future.
And you know, you actually have a lot more control over things than you might think. The thing is, you indeed have to understand how to handle it. And it's not something that works right away. Well, of course, it's not as litterary as it sounds, 'control over things'. If you manage to reach it a little, it's more like being able to choose wether to let things affect you or not (obviously). And I'm not saying that in the sense that you repress it or keep yourself from feeling hurt or to cry, cause that's just so bad for you. But you have to learn to accept things. Accepting is a key word, but unfortunately, you have to live it to understand it. It's been a couple of years since I've been working on myself, and I find that I've improved a lot lately, but I'm still far from the goal. And sometimes you'll stick to the same point as long as something precise doesn't happen to you. It sucks, but that's how it is. And I'm glad it's that way. So anyways, enough of that psychobabble, I don't know if what I said made any sense to you or if you think it has nothing to do with your journal entry, but I just want to say one thing: Good luck, and don't let go, cause abandoning is the worst thing to do ever.
YEAH.