30-Aug-04 9:57 AM Monday.
Caffeine immunity is that possible? No matter how many refills this
morning, I am not awake to say the least. I want to quit my job.
Walk away and its done period. No dramatic resolution, contingency
or otherwise I want to get up from my broken down task chair, grab my
issue of Wired, drop my office keys and never look back. Roundabout
bullshit is reserved for politics and multinational conglomerates I
thought. This firm accomplishes nothing. Flourishing only in the
aspect of countless variety in which the exact same conclusion is
reached. All roads here lead to nowhere. And there is traffic. 11:06
AM Feeling sorry for myself, or fear which is it that must fuel this
current tragic journey? Guilt possibly a tempting side-dish with either
entrée due to the fact that I honestly do believe I am worth little,
if anything at all. No confidence in what I am, or what I am able to
accomplish. Moreover with each day any light that perhaps shines
through this fog diminishes. Hopeless, helpless and hapless yet not
struggling (superficially) with daily survival (existence) clearly
created by years of painful trial and error with repetitive study -- I
am an artist. With myself as canvas or medium for expression using my
own personalized technique avoiding, dismissing and absorbing while
blindly staggering forward towards horizon unknown in disbelief. No
purpose, but process effortless resulting in medium, tentative and
apathetic existence. I am so stupid. 12:34 PM If everyday there was
opportunity for a free lunch, but it wasnt what you wanted to eat how
long would you continue to attend?
3:11 PM How long will this headache continue? Maybe its an aneurysm,
and I will be singing backing vocal for Laura Branigan directly?
3:27 PM Drama life lesson inducing, catastrophic and moral
encompassing dramatic portrayal throughout! Why? Why? Why? Why must
these seemingly insignificant (from my perspective) events produce such
broad sweeping ornately garnished elaborate diatribes of drama? Just
please speak your piece, allow time for The Chips to fall where they
may, and boom move on to the next square playing this board-game of
Life!
Caffeine immunity is that possible? No matter how many refills this
morning, I am not awake to say the least. I want to quit my job.
Walk away and its done period. No dramatic resolution, contingency
or otherwise I want to get up from my broken down task chair, grab my
issue of Wired, drop my office keys and never look back. Roundabout
bullshit is reserved for politics and multinational conglomerates I
thought. This firm accomplishes nothing. Flourishing only in the
aspect of countless variety in which the exact same conclusion is
reached. All roads here lead to nowhere. And there is traffic. 11:06
AM Feeling sorry for myself, or fear which is it that must fuel this
current tragic journey? Guilt possibly a tempting side-dish with either
entrée due to the fact that I honestly do believe I am worth little,
if anything at all. No confidence in what I am, or what I am able to
accomplish. Moreover with each day any light that perhaps shines
through this fog diminishes. Hopeless, helpless and hapless yet not
struggling (superficially) with daily survival (existence) clearly
created by years of painful trial and error with repetitive study -- I
am an artist. With myself as canvas or medium for expression using my
own personalized technique avoiding, dismissing and absorbing while
blindly staggering forward towards horizon unknown in disbelief. No
purpose, but process effortless resulting in medium, tentative and
apathetic existence. I am so stupid. 12:34 PM If everyday there was
opportunity for a free lunch, but it wasnt what you wanted to eat how
long would you continue to attend?
3:11 PM How long will this headache continue? Maybe its an aneurysm,
and I will be singing backing vocal for Laura Branigan directly?
3:27 PM Drama life lesson inducing, catastrophic and moral
encompassing dramatic portrayal throughout! Why? Why? Why? Why must
these seemingly insignificant (from my perspective) events produce such
broad sweeping ornately garnished elaborate diatribes of drama? Just
please speak your piece, allow time for The Chips to fall where they
may, and boom move on to the next square playing this board-game of
Life!