Login
Forgot Password?

OR

Login with Google Login with Twitter Login with Facebook
  • Join
  • Profiles
  • Groups
  • SuicideGirls
  • Photos
  • Videos
  • Shop
Vital Stats

michaelelder

austin

Member Since 2004

Followers 51 Following 88

  • Everything
  • Photos
  • Video
  • Blogs
  • Groups
  • From Others

Saturday Oct 24, 2009

Oct 23, 2009
0
  • Facebook
  • Tweet
  • Email
About five years ago I attended the college graduation of a good friend. After the ceremony, friends and family all went out for dinner. My friend Matt and I were sitting across from a girl neither of us had met and somehow our conversation with her led to the idea of marriage and it's role within Christianity. Now, I really didn't care much either way, but her ideas were really out there and so I started to argue with her.... but mostly I was just fucking with her. Trying to get a rise out of her. After about five minutes of this she got really annoyed at us and turned to our mutual friend, the recent graduate, and told him "They aren't listening to me!"

Now, what he said in return probably wasn't that profound. But for some reason it left a huge impression on me. He turned to her and said "All you can do is tell them what you think." and then went back to his conversation.

See? Like I said, not really that profound. But to me it meant a lot. I've always been strong willed and opinionated and have always wanted to try to control things. I know most people probably don't think I have any faults, but I do have a couple. And I think that's my biggest one. I really don't ever consciously decide to be a control freak, in fact I kinda hate it most of the time. I don't want to be in charge of everything but I find I have a hard time trusting others to get things done. And I also have a hard time trusting their experiences and decisions have been as well thought out as mine.

Over the past few months I've been trying to change. I think I've become less snobby about things and even relaxed on some of the ideals I try to make myself hold, especially the dumb ones. I've tried to just chill more. I feel like it's worked.

I've tried to let go of things I can't control. It's an ongoing process, and it's harder some days than others, but I feel good about it. It's very freeing to be able to say "I can't do anything about that." But to bring it back to my original point, I found another place I can use that phrase. "All you can do is love them." See, I'm madly in love with a girl who also happens to be my best friend. But that's just it, we're just friends. We constantly talk about how we'll be together forever, and that's my life's goal. I need her in my life. The problem is, I tried to control that. I tried to make her see how I feel and make her say the same things as me. And that can't work. It almost ruined what we have as friends, and for months I felt so completely alone without her. "All I can do is love her."

That's it. It's that simple. I can't change her mind, I can't win her over. I can't do anything. I'm completely powerless.

All I can do is love her. Be there for her always. Tell her how much she means to me and show it through my actions. Because loving her is more important than anything else. A wise friend once said to me "loving a person is a great achievement, and being loved is secondary to that." I love her unconditionally, and I will show that.
evangeline:
And she can love you back unconditionally, but it doesn't me you have to be IN LOVE. Just don't make yourself the martyr here, please.
Oct 25, 2009
michaelelder:
no more martyring for me. that's kinda the point, i let go of any type of control over things like that. people choose what they choose and that doesn't affect me. i can only control what i choose, and i know what that choice is.
Oct 25, 2009

More Blogs

  • 11.04.09
    4

    Wednesday Nov 04, 2009

    it's been a weird couple months. a guy who has been my best friend…
  • 10.23.09
    2

    Saturday Oct 24, 2009

    About five years ago I attended the college graduation of a good frie…
  • 10.18.09
    0

    Sunday Oct 18, 2009

    Read More
  • 10.02.09
    0

    Friday Oct 02, 2009

    my roommate of 2 and a half years moved out today. we've had our…
  • 09.30.09
    0

    Wednesday Sep 30, 2009

    i hate dealing with people sometimes. so if someone says to you "i…
  • 09.23.09
    0

    Wednesday Sep 23, 2009

    this has been a super awesome week! sunday night i get bad news ab…
  • 01.31.09
    2

    Saturday Jan 31, 2009

    [deleted]
  • 01.31.09
    0

    Saturday Jan 31, 2009

    i've never written a blog on here. being drunk is probably not the…

We at SuicideGirls have been celebrating alternative pin-up girls for:

23
years
10
months
3
days
  • 5,509,826 fans
  • 41,393 fans
  • 10,327,617 followers
  • 4,597 SuicideGirls
  • 1,114,979 followers
  • 14,936,349 photos
  • 321,315 followers
  • 61,433,611 comments
  • Join
  • Profiles
  • Groups
  • Photos
  • Videos
  • Shop
  • Help
  • About
  • Press
  • LIVE

Legal/Tos | DMCA | Privacy Policy | 18 U.S.C. 2257 Record-Keeping Requirements Compliance Statement | Contact Us | Vendo Payment Support
©SuicideGirls 2001-2025

Press enter to search
Fast Hi-res

Click here to join & see it all...

Crop your photo