About five years ago I attended the college graduation of a good friend. After the ceremony, friends and family all went out for dinner. My friend Matt and I were sitting across from a girl neither of us had met and somehow our conversation with her led to the idea of marriage and it's role within Christianity. Now, I really didn't care much either way, but her ideas were really out there and so I started to argue with her.... but mostly I was just fucking with her. Trying to get a rise out of her. After about five minutes of this she got really annoyed at us and turned to our mutual friend, the recent graduate, and told him "They aren't listening to me!"
Now, what he said in return probably wasn't that profound. But for some reason it left a huge impression on me. He turned to her and said "All you can do is tell them what you think." and then went back to his conversation.
See? Like I said, not really that profound. But to me it meant a lot. I've always been strong willed and opinionated and have always wanted to try to control things. I know most people probably don't think I have any faults, but I do have a couple. And I think that's my biggest one. I really don't ever consciously decide to be a control freak, in fact I kinda hate it most of the time. I don't want to be in charge of everything but I find I have a hard time trusting others to get things done. And I also have a hard time trusting their experiences and decisions have been as well thought out as mine.
Over the past few months I've been trying to change. I think I've become less snobby about things and even relaxed on some of the ideals I try to make myself hold, especially the dumb ones. I've tried to just chill more. I feel like it's worked.
I've tried to let go of things I can't control. It's an ongoing process, and it's harder some days than others, but I feel good about it. It's very freeing to be able to say "I can't do anything about that." But to bring it back to my original point, I found another place I can use that phrase. "All you can do is love them." See, I'm madly in love with a girl who also happens to be my best friend. But that's just it, we're just friends. We constantly talk about how we'll be together forever, and that's my life's goal. I need her in my life. The problem is, I tried to control that. I tried to make her see how I feel and make her say the same things as me. And that can't work. It almost ruined what we have as friends, and for months I felt so completely alone without her. "All I can do is love her."
That's it. It's that simple. I can't change her mind, I can't win her over. I can't do anything. I'm completely powerless.
All I can do is love her. Be there for her always. Tell her how much she means to me and show it through my actions. Because loving her is more important than anything else. A wise friend once said to me "loving a person is a great achievement, and being loved is secondary to that." I love her unconditionally, and I will show that.
Now, what he said in return probably wasn't that profound. But for some reason it left a huge impression on me. He turned to her and said "All you can do is tell them what you think." and then went back to his conversation.
See? Like I said, not really that profound. But to me it meant a lot. I've always been strong willed and opinionated and have always wanted to try to control things. I know most people probably don't think I have any faults, but I do have a couple. And I think that's my biggest one. I really don't ever consciously decide to be a control freak, in fact I kinda hate it most of the time. I don't want to be in charge of everything but I find I have a hard time trusting others to get things done. And I also have a hard time trusting their experiences and decisions have been as well thought out as mine.
Over the past few months I've been trying to change. I think I've become less snobby about things and even relaxed on some of the ideals I try to make myself hold, especially the dumb ones. I've tried to just chill more. I feel like it's worked.
I've tried to let go of things I can't control. It's an ongoing process, and it's harder some days than others, but I feel good about it. It's very freeing to be able to say "I can't do anything about that." But to bring it back to my original point, I found another place I can use that phrase. "All you can do is love them." See, I'm madly in love with a girl who also happens to be my best friend. But that's just it, we're just friends. We constantly talk about how we'll be together forever, and that's my life's goal. I need her in my life. The problem is, I tried to control that. I tried to make her see how I feel and make her say the same things as me. And that can't work. It almost ruined what we have as friends, and for months I felt so completely alone without her. "All I can do is love her."
That's it. It's that simple. I can't change her mind, I can't win her over. I can't do anything. I'm completely powerless.
All I can do is love her. Be there for her always. Tell her how much she means to me and show it through my actions. Because loving her is more important than anything else. A wise friend once said to me "loving a person is a great achievement, and being loved is secondary to that." I love her unconditionally, and I will show that.
evangeline:
And she can love you back unconditionally, but it doesn't me you have to be IN LOVE. Just don't make yourself the martyr here, please.
michaelelder:
no more martyring for me. that's kinda the point, i let go of any type of control over things like that. people choose what they choose and that doesn't affect me. i can only control what i choose, and i know what that choice is.