Update time:
So I went through a bunch of tests recently. I've been flying off the handle and doing things that are generally disastrous to myself and worrisome to my wife. After a series of testing and scanning it has finally been revealed that the main core of my problems is that I have a Schizotypal personality disorder. In case you're wondering what that is
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Schizotypal Personality Disorder is a mental disorder that is akin to Schizophrenia. The person with this personality disorder, whether consciously or unconsciously, experiences paranoia*, schizoid** reactions, cyclothymiac*** feelings and have eccentric speech patterns, thoughts, and ideas. The only difference is that people with the Schizotypal disorder experience no delusions, hallucinations or the like and they don't show the true form of the actual mental disorientation.
*Paranoia - uncontrollable envy or suspicion with respect to physical reference.
**Schizoid - A trait on being lonesome. Most of the time, people with schizoid reactions have very few close friends, are always anxious in social gatherings and engage in introverted and shut-in thinking.
***Cyclothymiac - unbalanced feelings due to the Bipolar mood disorder, in which case, the patient experiences alternating moods of different degrees.
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The problem with my condition though is that on top of have the personality disorder, I also have a moderate degree of the Obsessive Compulsive disorder, high instances of Mania brought on my mood swings, a slightly higher degree of Schizophrenia than other people with my disorder (mainly slight hallucinations and sensory illusions), self-mutilating tendencies, and severe isolation/anti-social tendencies.
I spoke with a few doctors and specialist and they all agree form my tests and scans that there really isn't anything they can do or any drug they can give me to help me get "normal". They say that with people that have this disorder, their brains are usually hardwired differently than others (for lack of a better term) which means that the normal avenues or options aren't viable to them.
So that's it in a nutshell. I've been talking to my wife about it and she doesn't think it really affects us. She says that she doesn't mind my moods swings and erratic behavior, but she hasn't really seen me when I'm at my worst. I get scared some times because I feel like I'll lose control again and she'll run away from me like everyone else. I mean, this relationship has been the longest that I've ever really "held it together" in my entire life and I'm not sure how much longer it'll last.
Then there's the thought of having children. She wants to have children some day and I'm terrified they'll take after me. I wouldn't want anyone to have to go through the pain and anguish I did especially since I brought most of it on myself. I just don't know.
So I went through a bunch of tests recently. I've been flying off the handle and doing things that are generally disastrous to myself and worrisome to my wife. After a series of testing and scanning it has finally been revealed that the main core of my problems is that I have a Schizotypal personality disorder. In case you're wondering what that is
****
Schizotypal Personality Disorder is a mental disorder that is akin to Schizophrenia. The person with this personality disorder, whether consciously or unconsciously, experiences paranoia*, schizoid** reactions, cyclothymiac*** feelings and have eccentric speech patterns, thoughts, and ideas. The only difference is that people with the Schizotypal disorder experience no delusions, hallucinations or the like and they don't show the true form of the actual mental disorientation.
*Paranoia - uncontrollable envy or suspicion with respect to physical reference.
**Schizoid - A trait on being lonesome. Most of the time, people with schizoid reactions have very few close friends, are always anxious in social gatherings and engage in introverted and shut-in thinking.
***Cyclothymiac - unbalanced feelings due to the Bipolar mood disorder, in which case, the patient experiences alternating moods of different degrees.
****
The problem with my condition though is that on top of have the personality disorder, I also have a moderate degree of the Obsessive Compulsive disorder, high instances of Mania brought on my mood swings, a slightly higher degree of Schizophrenia than other people with my disorder (mainly slight hallucinations and sensory illusions), self-mutilating tendencies, and severe isolation/anti-social tendencies.
I spoke with a few doctors and specialist and they all agree form my tests and scans that there really isn't anything they can do or any drug they can give me to help me get "normal". They say that with people that have this disorder, their brains are usually hardwired differently than others (for lack of a better term) which means that the normal avenues or options aren't viable to them.
So that's it in a nutshell. I've been talking to my wife about it and she doesn't think it really affects us. She says that she doesn't mind my moods swings and erratic behavior, but she hasn't really seen me when I'm at my worst. I get scared some times because I feel like I'll lose control again and she'll run away from me like everyone else. I mean, this relationship has been the longest that I've ever really "held it together" in my entire life and I'm not sure how much longer it'll last.
Then there's the thought of having children. She wants to have children some day and I'm terrified they'll take after me. I wouldn't want anyone to have to go through the pain and anguish I did especially since I brought most of it on myself. I just don't know.