metro

driving around country because i have no place to go, no place to be...well, really just no place to be. there's always a place to go, if you can get there.

not much other news.

one of my professors lost my paper, asked me to resend an electronic version to him. but my computer crashed at the end of the semester and i lost everything, so i can't. what to do?

i don't really log into here or write much any more...i'm not sure why that is. but i'm not getting much back from this place either, so i guess i shouldn't feel too bad. that probably is actually why i've drifted off elsewhere. there really isn't an elsewhere, so i guess i mean that i've drifted off into myself.

that really is an accurate description of what's happened to me. i don't party anymore. i don't really participate in things at school anymore. i just don't know what i do with my time or my life. i study, but not nearly as much as i should or need to. well, we'll say should so really...i guess i just lose myself in myself. there must be a thick messy morass of me in there, to keep sucking me in every day.

i was drunk when i wrote my last post. i know it didn't make much sense toward the end there. basically, my brother and i got into an argument because i was saying that we have a duty to help people, and he was saying you only have to help yourself, and that people who try to help others can't really make a difference. and then i came back saying that it's still our duty to try, because we cannot know our limits until we reach them, and that further, when you are trying to help people, or do good in the world, you are doing God's work, and God will help you (whatever God you might believe in).

and then i split my chin open when i missed a curb

anyway...this is a pretty long post for someone who has nothing to say. i guess i do actually have things to say, i just don't know which or what to say.

man, i really miss college a little bit more every day. the sad thing is that we can't turn back time. i would love that so much. i really wouldn't waste so much time, the way i am even nowadays. so maybe that's full of shit. maybe that's all i am, is a huge time-waster. but i don't think so, because i do have a steady string of respectable accomplishments to my name. so maybe i'm just grossly inefficient. who knows, maybe i have the world's greatest person inside me, and i'm letting him drown in inefficiency and solitude.

my paragraphs really aren't offering much structure to my thought-presentation today, are they? i'll just cut this off for real now. hope y'all enjoyed my ramblings. they're not of a mad man, rather, a melancholy man.