i have 3 "best friends." they're really the only girl friends i have that are more than acquaintances. anyway, as far as friends go, they all suck. as far as people go, they all suck. i've realized that i'm only friends with them because i've known them so long, and if i were to meet them tomorrow i wouldn't be able to stand them for a minute. i always give them the benefit of the doubt, i'm always there for them even when they let me down, i do all the things that i thing constitutes being a friend. well they were supposed to come visit me this weekend so we could all be together, which never happens because of our schedules. so i sent sean home for the weekend so we could have our girl fun without driving him insane. so after he has made definite plans to go home, and i have to stay up here, the girls tell me they aren't coming. they are the ones who planned the trip. it was actually their idea. and they wait until the day they're supposed to come to tell me (1) that they didn't try to ask off work until 2 days ago [so of course they couldn't get off work], (2) that they're concerned about the weather [so why were they so adamant about coming up in february?], and (3) that they'd rather stay home and go out together down there without me, and come visit me another time. well that's all fine and good for them, but what about me? i was so geared up for a fun weekend [which i realized i never have with them anyway], and now i'm all alone all weekend with nothing to do except play with myself. does anyone ever take other people's feelings into account?? i would NEVER think it okay to bail on my friends on the last minute, especially when they had to make special arrangements. but they do it all the time without a second thought. yea, all the time... this is definitely not the first time i've gotten shafted by these snatches. they are all gorgeous, they could easily all be models [one is, and a stripper], and when i go out with them in public, they barely acknowledge me. the three of them stick together and come up to me if they need something. that's not fun. from what i gathered in a conversation with one of them where i tried to figure out why, apparently they know THEY all look good and get guys attention, but i distract attention from them because i am not gorgeous like them but i dance better and tend to draw people more because i don't look like every other girl in the club/bar/wherever. i hate them.
so i've come to the most sad realization in the world. i don't want to be friends with my three "best friends." but if i lose them, i'll have no one. so i'm not willing to lose them. even though they make me feel abused and taken advantage of. i'm sick of being "such a great friend" when they need something, and just an acquaintance when they feel inconvenienced by me. this actually isn't a new realization, but it's so hard for me to admit it. at this point, i'm more willing to have three bad friends than no friends. and it seems like i'm pretty inept at making friends, because it never seems to happen. i don't know what to do. it's good i have sean, because then i REALLY wouldn't have anyone, and family doesn't help in this category. what is so wrong with me that people don't want to be my friend just to be my friend? why do people think it's okay with me to be jerked around and conform my life to fit theirs? why can't my "friends" act like my friends all the time, instead of when they aren't concerned about people looking at me funny and relating it to them? seriously, i went to wear this one shirt to the club one night because i liked it, and didn't really care that "that style was so last year" and my one friend said "if you wear that i'll act like i don't know you." and trust me, she meant it. i can't deal with this anymore. is it really so hard to just be my friend?
so i've come to the most sad realization in the world. i don't want to be friends with my three "best friends." but if i lose them, i'll have no one. so i'm not willing to lose them. even though they make me feel abused and taken advantage of. i'm sick of being "such a great friend" when they need something, and just an acquaintance when they feel inconvenienced by me. this actually isn't a new realization, but it's so hard for me to admit it. at this point, i'm more willing to have three bad friends than no friends. and it seems like i'm pretty inept at making friends, because it never seems to happen. i don't know what to do. it's good i have sean, because then i REALLY wouldn't have anyone, and family doesn't help in this category. what is so wrong with me that people don't want to be my friend just to be my friend? why do people think it's okay with me to be jerked around and conform my life to fit theirs? why can't my "friends" act like my friends all the time, instead of when they aren't concerned about people looking at me funny and relating it to them? seriously, i went to wear this one shirt to the club one night because i liked it, and didn't really care that "that style was so last year" and my one friend said "if you wear that i'll act like i don't know you." and trust me, she meant it. i can't deal with this anymore. is it really so hard to just be my friend?
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it really is awful. a lot of people are unhappy there. if you say you want to transfer at lest 5 other people will agree with you. the administration is just screwy.
the people suck too. i live in the honors dorm which makes it even worse. i guess people in general suck though.
ooh lucky you. i'm only a freshman.
Rather than lower your standards for what passes as a friend so those girls qualify, start finding ways to connect with people that you share common interests in. Being friends with those three is like taking the bus all the way across town so someone can poke you in the eye... you're doing all the work, and not getting any benefit. Granted, friendship isn't about it always benefiting you, but there's a certain amount of respect and consideration that friends give each other, and it sounds like they just don't know what that means.
The best advice I can give ya is... online ppl are real, so don't be afraid of connecting with people around you that you meet online (just be safe, have your first time meets in public places etc). I would recommend you take freyja up on the offer, NYC is a lot of fun, then play with the hookup search thing here to see if there are any other eastern PA or southern jersey types (I know of one or two). you've already got something in common with all us here on the site (in that we dig the site), and a lot of ppl share other similar tastes. good luck!