The feeling of plummeting is sickening
As I wander endlessly, attacked maliciously
In my own mind, it's all from you
Coping is impossible, survival implausible
All this hurt inside I was never meant to hide
I hoped they'd see, it's all from you
My thoughts do drift as all patterns shift
And mingle together and I wonder whether
Is it the same for you, what did I do?
Have I been so blind with others left behind
To struggle in the wake, did I forsake
What they meant to me, I meant to you
Had I taken the chance, one more chance
Let feelings subside, not let it divide
Come back from this, maybe found our bliss
Instead we're suffering, left remembering
The time that's gone by, still wondering why
We had to be right, win the same old fight
Not a matter of blame, there's only shame
We refuse to give in and we hide all the sin
That leaves such a stain, adds to the pain
Injures our children, that'll haunt them, a given
I thought I was trying but inside I'm dying
Am I the sole cause to all this loss
As I've grown older, the world's gotten colder
I'm trying to grow from what my mistakes show
I sit and I wonder, is it the same for you?
Searching for the answer, indecision, a cancer
It decides how it inflects as it slowly infects
Deciding what will remain as I'm going insane
I don't want to be numb to what I've become
Want to breathe life again, and feel it within
My heart, set on fire, find the desire
I'll Go on with my life, free from the strife
And all that once was, it matters because
Despite the complaints, a bitterness that taints
What we once were, now become such a blur
What we went through, I hope the same for you
-R.T. '21
*Writer's Note: I wrote this focusing on the thoughts and emotions I was dealing with after the end of my marriage after almost 15 years together. It's been almost 4 years now since the split. My emotions were definitely coming from a selfish place in the beginning, but also a fear of not knowing what the future would bring. Depression, suicidal thoughts, and constant analyses of a number of different issues containing an infinite number of outcomes inundated my brain for months. Over the last couple of years resentment, even hate, simmered and reduced itself back down to a manageable level. I finally came to the point where I realized any good I now find in my life, I wanted her to be able to find it too. We are in a real good place now as co-parents of our 2 kids. One day I hope to share this poem with her.