merkat

I think about certain things, people, I have lost, and it takes my breath away with overwhelming regret and grief. What is it that can make us neglect the things we care about? Is it really possible to love something and neglect it at the same time, or are we just trying to excuse our own shameful behavior?

Is it even my fault? Did I drive her away or did she have as much part in our increasing distance as I did? I can try to pinpoint the exact moment things changed...but it was more of an invisible change than anything. I can trace causes, but there's alternate possibilities for all of them, and none of them are direct. I don't know. How do these things happen? How did I stay so close with the friends I have the least in common with, and lose all connection to the one with whom I have more in common than anyone in the world? It's so mind blowing and perplexing...so much regret. I don't regret maintaining my existing friendships, but the loss of this one is just something my mind cannot grasp.

Is this it? Is it over for good?
What I wouldn't give to know what she felt.