beauty flows down the streets softly, calmly without interrupting the heat waves that dance in regulated lines
a slowed hallucinogen that remains through out the days
the intensity without the urgency
up and down
up and down
like electric poles along a stretch of highway
i love riding my bike and being alone in my head except for light thoughts of events that have past that stir some airy emotion that passes as the breeze grazing my epidermal . i doubt that i will grow tired of this gentle contentment with my existance, i just hope that everything stays like this for a while, for this to feels like heaven in a nutshell.
this self-containment is all i could hope for, i wonder what everyone else is like in that sense, why am i different, why i am happier to be alone, in some sense, i am afraid i will never make sense, why is this all i have ever wanted
am i not supposed to want a children and a family and a husband
all i want is me and a thousand people i do not know connecting in a way that in all actuality means nothing, i want lust without love, short-lived attachment, and the remainder of time to be spent without a human in sight.
i resent everyone who lives in this town, i resent having to share space, i long for separation of everyone who has ever known me, i have grown beyond what they have known and only in fleeting moments do i miss what i will be missing knowing the majority of people i have known, loved, kissed, fucked, talked to, yearned for, would have given my soul, everything seems to pass and knowing this makes me wish to leave everything alone except when i don't know what to do with myself.
i have spirled downward out of control of mind and body and remained there ever since staring back at the fishes. . .
i long to be what i was supposed to but i enjoy lingering in a failed moment
marinating in the juices of failure and past pains
i long for passion and love but i am unable to stir up enough emotion to make something like that ever work, i cry for my inability to truly love anyone . . . as i always have, my parents have worried for me, for my unwillingness to love, there is nothing i can do, all i can do is make a different existance that will be mine, though in all obviousness, not for long, and this makes me cry, though i do not know why, have you ever felt like this ?
a slowed hallucinogen that remains through out the days
the intensity without the urgency
up and down
up and down
like electric poles along a stretch of highway
i love riding my bike and being alone in my head except for light thoughts of events that have past that stir some airy emotion that passes as the breeze grazing my epidermal . i doubt that i will grow tired of this gentle contentment with my existance, i just hope that everything stays like this for a while, for this to feels like heaven in a nutshell.
this self-containment is all i could hope for, i wonder what everyone else is like in that sense, why am i different, why i am happier to be alone, in some sense, i am afraid i will never make sense, why is this all i have ever wanted
am i not supposed to want a children and a family and a husband
all i want is me and a thousand people i do not know connecting in a way that in all actuality means nothing, i want lust without love, short-lived attachment, and the remainder of time to be spent without a human in sight.
i resent everyone who lives in this town, i resent having to share space, i long for separation of everyone who has ever known me, i have grown beyond what they have known and only in fleeting moments do i miss what i will be missing knowing the majority of people i have known, loved, kissed, fucked, talked to, yearned for, would have given my soul, everything seems to pass and knowing this makes me wish to leave everything alone except when i don't know what to do with myself.
i have spirled downward out of control of mind and body and remained there ever since staring back at the fishes. . .
i long to be what i was supposed to but i enjoy lingering in a failed moment
marinating in the juices of failure and past pains
i long for passion and love but i am unable to stir up enough emotion to make something like that ever work, i cry for my inability to truly love anyone . . . as i always have, my parents have worried for me, for my unwillingness to love, there is nothing i can do, all i can do is make a different existance that will be mine, though in all obviousness, not for long, and this makes me cry, though i do not know why, have you ever felt like this ?