meridien

i am not a nice person

so the girl is coming back finally. . .
i am fucking nervous. . .
but gin always seems to help.
the date with ex's friend went better than planned, she's funny as hell
and if nothing else i could see us being good friends. . .
though that wouldn't be my first choice.

fuck it, why not?
let's hope she likes her girls delightfully inebriated.
in which case, - 3 gin and tonics.
looks like she'll have to settle for walking straight and semi-intelligible conversation.

i drink to much
i am supposed to go on a date with a girl, she's very cute
but i still just miss her
though i wouldn't take anything back. . .
they are all very nice people
but i have a feeling that if i just had one. . .
i would tire of him/her quickly
and that would take the fun out of...
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i long for the simple days, though it seems a general rule that you don't appreciate anything until it is gone, most likely because people tend to gloss over the bad and remember the good. so it was most likely not as nice as i remember.

good news: i made out with a boy and he gave me fun little pills
i having sex with another he gives me books and booze and food
saving the best for last. . . .
i'm in love with a girl and she's coming home.
bad news: school is starting
my roommates
i need to clean

my oldest roommate is trying to convert me to a life of normalacy. . . not likely. its my friends birthday today, but i don't want to talk to anyone really.
Last night i was forced to watch a chick flick movie that is not worth giving a name, by a dude.
what people do for sex.
he does this irish accent, i fucking hate...
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today was possibly one of the best days of my life. . . nothing that great happened, but everything seems like it was supoosed to be.
i woke up next to someone i know, i don't remember what we talked about last night, but i know that we understand eachother.
he is also a fucking well-read retard with not much assurance at to what is...
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i just want something i can never have . . .

i don't know who i am anymore
when i was younger
i thought i did

now i want to have never been
but remain never-the-less
sentimentality makes me sick
only because that is what my skin
is held together with

i need to get out of my head
out of this town
away from everyone i know
away from these people
that i always dissappoint...
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i saw an old man today. . .
he mirrored my expression exactly, though he was a great deal better looking.

i have yet to take responsiblity for my life or my actions, this has to change now or it will be the death of me. . .