mercybullet

I have to try to get to bed at a decent hour, i have to wake up alittle early tomorrow, i got in to see a specialist in this physical problem i can't seem to get rid of. Hope is good. A friend called me on the phone and I think it helped, considering i can't seem to understand anyone on a cell phone. Is it my turn to be a big baby and stop acting like everythings ok? Now that i'm not swamped by constant pain and fever I'm thinking about my life, and freinds or lack thereof. The answer is probably no. Even though I haven't had a real pity party in a long time. When i'm finally physically well what about my future? What kind of future can I have? What can I offer the world? And thats taking it for granted that I manage to become emotionally stable when I'm not sick anymore. What would be enough to make me happy? Not love, I had that in spades and it wasn't enough. It makes life a lot more bearable but I can't live on love.
It doesn't really seem like anyone I know is happy. My problems aren't worse than anyone elses. And maybe I shouldn't admit it but I feel like I suck the life out of people.

And now I'll burst into song:

That's life, that's what all the people say.
You're riding high in April,
Shot down in May
But I know I'm gonna change that tune,
When I'm back on top, back on top in June.

I said that's life, and as funny as it may seem
Some people get their kicks,
Stompin' on a dream
But I don't let it, let it get me down,
'Cause this fine ol' world it keeps spinning around

That's life
I tell ya, I can't deny it,
I thought of quitting baby,
But my heart just ain't gonna buy it.
And if I didn't think it was worth one single try,
I'd jump right on a big bird and then I'd fly

I've been a puppet, a pauper, a pirate,
A poet, a pawn and a king.
I've been up and down and over and out
And I know one thing:
Each time I find myself laying flat on my face,
I just pick myself up and get back in the race

That's life
That's life and I can't deny it
Many times I thought of cutting out
But my heart won't buy it
But if there's nothing shakin' come this here july
I'm gonna roll myself up in a big ball and die
My, My