So I made a blog a while ago talking about how I contemplated quitting SG and giving up something that made me very happy, confident but also felt biased and hard on my self esteem.
I have come to the recent conclusion that it should be a decision I make on my own, not on the behalf of another because it made him uncomfortable.
After the blog was posted, I booked an appointment with me GP, and was referred was a psychological evaluation. I have attended classes, had my intake interview, and was given medication to boost my serotonin levels. All of this was to feed someone else's needs. To make someone else happy, for him to have control over my every day because it was always about him.
So let me tell you, did I learn quick that is not how things should work. He and I met after my first appointment with the GP to talk about what I thought seemingly was the repair of our relationship. Boy was I wrong.
He was drunk, probably high. I showed up to his garage and he acted like nothing was different from when we dated. Told me I looked nice and then was like "I need a beer because this isn't going to be a good conversation".
So we go and we cry, we hug, he tells me he loves me over and over and over again and how much he missed me while we were apart. He said he was proud of me for making all these steps for myself. That we can work together to being a better couple. Everything I wanted to hear. He wanted me to stay the night, he held me in his arms and wiped away my tears like I had wanted to the entire week we were separated. I woke up the next morning to his alarms, and then the last thing he ever said to me was that he loved me.
I spent 5 days calling him for Thanksgiving with no answer(Canadian). I went to his house the following Tuesday to find out where the fuck he was. His shoes were there, his truck was there but his roommates told me he wasn't home. I called his mother and she confirmed he had been helping out his stepdad on the farm. So he was alive, just avoiding me. He owed me $1800, I had $50 in my bank account. It was payday when I went to see him. That was when I realized I was a fool, I had been fighting so hard for a person that had no time for me. I was just there to fill a void he had in himself.
But the story doesn't end there. I tried for days to get my money back, called his mom, I made fake numbers to try and call him, I messaged him on my backup Instagram only to be blocked on Thursday.
Friday night comes around and I receive an email from him. Friday is special because I finally had enough and shared his social media account, it has his name in it. I just wanted my money back. I am jobless, I have nowhere to go, $50 in my account and I just wanted my money. The harm was already done to the relationship.
So after all that prying and just wanting my money back, he continues to lie to me. Said he was in the psych ward. Now I'm not a brain surgeon but I know that you have to be detained for minimum of 72 hours, and no outside contact with the world. No cellphones. So how in God's name did he block my backup account on Thursday when he was in the hospital. He then threatened me with police action because I posted his social media on my Instagram. Again just wanting my money back. He threatened me with an Emergency Protection Order, which in Canada is by law only used in matters of immediate danger, by a family member or spouse. I was nowhere near him, I hadn't gone to his house since I learned he was ghosting me. This was constant back and forth of me saying the same thing, give me back my money and I will leave you alone. To him saying he will phone the cops.
Then MORE LIES. He told his friends people were showing up at the house. I never shared his address and I was never going to. All I wanted was my money back. I just stopped answering him, because I couldn't believe the GARBAGE coming out of his mouth.
I got my last email of screenshots at 3am last Saturday and I was over it. I blocked his email and I will never get my money back. He had no intention of paying me back. He is off living his drunk ass life and living in his own head where he tells everyone he's 81, which I know he isn't and have had members confirm he isn't.
I was in an abusive relationship. No one should take away what makes you the happiest, use your mental illness as an excuse to manipulate you. In the long run, it helped me get closer to the people I love, it helped me understand myself me, and it showed me never to settle. I'm sorry for scaring everyone, and I am sorry that I let such a small person hurt me so badly when all I had to do was say no to him.
Mercury. đź’™
