Over the weekend, I went through a pretty tough breakup. We were in love, both of us are very hurt. A lot of hurtful things were said, and he decided it was best I just get better before we even begin to think about talking again.
That being said, he made it very clear he was not okay with my social media presence and that he couldn't be with someone who quote "let men stare at her vagina". I have a lot of thinking to do and a lot of desensitizing to do as this has been my entire life for almost 3 years now.
I haven't left my bed in three days, or left the house, or even eaten anything. My heart is broken and I have a really tough and long road ahead of me.
I will say Suicidegirls has been some of the best times of my life. I love the community, the people, the girls, HQ. All the support and love I have received. I have worked SO HARD for everything here.
But it has also been the source of all my self doubt. Not being shared on the instagram for almost a year, having almost 16 sets shot and only 2 being bought. ALL THE DRAMA. Literally so much drama. Girls are so dramatic and I am just not for it lol. Just be nice and hold your tongue damnit.
A lot of my problems stem from myself, and my anxiety and my depression. I have mental health issues that I have not been addressing and it finally all blew up in my face and I have lost someone I care so much about.
I don't have employment right now because my job made me miserable, I worked almost 120 hours every pay period and I was exhausted all the time. I didn't have time for myself. Now I have the complete opposite, all the time in the world and I am wasting my days away.
I feel like I am oversharing quite a bit, but I promise I am okay. I just need time away to decide what I really want. Whether or not it is worth giving this all up for just one person, who made me very happy.
So I am taking a break. I have deleted all social media aside from Facebook because I have family overseas who would worry if I disappeared.
My Instagram is temporarily deactivated as to not lose all 41K of my followers but both my snapchats and Twitter could only be deleted unfortunately.
Please respect my decisions, because I am just trying to be better here and I'm sorry for disappointing anyone.
Mercury.
