Trust is a recurring theme in my life. It has always been a rare element, never available in large doses. In most cases, the people I've chosen to invest my trust in have turned out to be believers in the pyramid scheme concept of society. By this I mean that they always seemed to have lots of trust to spend with others similarly wealthy with trust. When it came to me however, such trust was always dependant on extra effort, or other demands of me to secure it.
It's not terribly hard to imagine that I'm somewhat hesitant to put myself out there, but the reasons are less obvious than you might think. In my old age, I'm jaded to the point where I feel like I'm a bad investment for trust, since I'm highly unlikely to return it in the same measure. It means I'm hyper-aware of every interaction I have, and am constantly overanalyzing to see if I've crossed a line.
I'm not totally sure why I felt that this was something I needed to write down, but it seems like it might be a piece of a puzzle that has been vexing me for a long, long time. Perhaps it will make more sense when looked at from another angle.