mephausto

the hateful silence comes inbetween of the phone clicking off and the dial tone's arrival. i sit there seething through it, radiating into the void left by some digital closure after vilifying conversation that leaves me oddly pleased in the gain of disillusion but nuclear in terms of mood. as much water as i may have poured into this well, this growing radiation evaporates it more the larger the blast area grows.

this is to say that the situation with this coworker of mine (read back, you'll understand) is beginning to climb in terms of dating defcon levels.

this is also to say that i am very, very tired of it. i am resolute in that i must have my own life, even if prior to this i allowed myself to spend a lot of time with her, feeling myself attached in different ways, but then to have to deal with such drama and immaturity now after asserting my needs is not very becoming to my comfort level. if i didn't want to retreat into my cave before, i definitely want to dig myself in a little deeper now.

so now i beat a hasty retreat in hopes that my journal entries can recommence explorations of things other than this hackneyed high school situation re-run.

i would implore dieties to deliver me from this if i didn't alreay know i have to do it myself.