meooww

Thank god it is almost friday. Working full time sucks. I haven't worked out in two days and I feel like a bum. Sometimes I am just not motivated. I wish I had someone to workout with me. I have a few girls that I have tried to get to work out with me but it always falls through on there end. I have the worst self confidence I want to break myself of this way of thinking. It's hard for me though. I was locked up in a rehabiliation boarding school when I was 16 in Utah. I was a wild one to put it nicely. I was locked up in this shit place for 18 months of my teenage life. I didnt get to experience high school which I dont really give a shit about but still. Well anyways I ended up gaining 80 pounds when I was in there. I went from 170 to 256. When I got out a couple months before I was 18 I ended up losing the weight and I am now back down to about 175 standing at 5'11. Everyone tells me I look fine but after being so damn big and having to be disgusted with myself like that, the image never leaves my mind. Every time I look in the mirror I am disgusted. I wish I could see what other people see. Maybe one day I will feel good about myself, I just hope I dont kill myself trying to.