Limbo Of The Somewhat Damaged
So it seems that some not so benevolent deity has renewed his task of smiting my attempts at happiness. So I asked her if she wanted to go for coffee sometime after work and instead of the yes I was hoping for or the no I was kind of expecting it seems she's just as damaged as I am. Turns out her ex was kind of an asshole who despite saying he understood the "no sex before marriage" thing didn't and ended up fucking around behind her back which pretty much broke her, after I was told this I was suddenly filled with the urge to smash the guys teeth out with a hammer. I'll never understand how nice girls end up stuck with braindead ignorant cretins is it some sort of reverse natural selection in play?, as a result of this she's not really wanting to see anyone outside her religion but despite this she didn't say we couldn't "date", I think after knowing her so long she's come to understand I'm not like your average joe who just wants to get wasted and fuck the nearest thing in a skirt. So we're kind of stuck in this awkward kind of limbo where I'm trying to organise something but other stuff just keeps getting in the way whether it's work,uni, church or something else. I think one of the problems is she doesn't really think I like her 'cause her self esteem has just been ripped away and now she thinks no one will like her 'cause guys only like girls for sex. To be honest it's one big neurotic mess of distorted emotions and mental scars. I talk to her online 2 or 3 times a week and from the stuff we talk about I know she trusts me and she's always there to pick me up off the floor when I'm on a downer and I'm just staring at the wall wondering what the point to anything is. I think that's one of the main reasons I like her so much she's so happy most of the time which balances out my negativity. Whenever I'm feeling like my life is hollow and pointless I see that smile and it's like everything just fades into the background and really doesn't matter, I forget about all the crap I carry around in my head and constantly worry about, will I ever get my own place?,Will I ever have kids?,Will I ever make a difference in my life? Is there a point to anything? it all just dissappears. I keep having people ask me why I like her "'cause she's boring" and I just say "maybe I prefer that to someone who's out 3 nights a week getting smashed and jumping on the nearest guy". I know we'd be like the odd couple I even mentioned this to her but it doesn't bother me or her what people say, I've never cared what people think about me really 'cause at the end of the day why should I be bothered by people that are judgemental, ignorant and adamant that anyone who isn't like them is somehow inferior. I'm hoping we can sort something out but my faith is in short supply these days.
Bread, Surprisingly Complicated.
As a lighthearted aside to my mental trauma I thought I'd show you the promo stuff I got off a rep at work regarding one of our suppliers relaunch of their products, for you folks in the U.S of A this probably won't mean anything but for anyone in the UK who's been down the supermarket recently they might have noticed it. Someone was undoubtedly paid a lot of money for this.
New Music
CombiChrist What The Fuck Is Wrong With You People
After what seems like ages the new CombiChrist album is here and I have to say it was really worth the wait, Andy Laplegua and his cohorts have produced an excellent example of sonic weaponry for anyone with an interest in EBM,Electronica,Trance, or music of an industrial leaning. Following on from previous album Everybody Hates You was always going to be hard to pull off but from the offerings here I think all involved have surpassed any of their previous material. The new version of "Electrohead" is a quality stomping track featuring new vocals spat out with vigour to match anything by Hatebreed. The same can be said for several other tracks especially the raging "Fuck That Shit" and "Shut Up And Swallow". Not wanting to make things get stale they even throw in wildcard tracks like "Red" with a thudding drum kick unlike anything else on this or any other album they've done. It remains to be seen how long Andy Laplegua can keep his train rolling with so many projects going on Icon Of Coil, Panzer AG,Combichrist & Scandy to name a few but from the evidence here all is well for the time being.
Red Harvest A Greater Darkness
The artwork pretty much sets the tone here for industrial rumblings of an underground style. Red Harvest have long been purveyors to the well informed when it comes to their dark brand of industrial metal, with new album "A Greater Darkness" they show they've still got plenty to offer to the uninitiated and the interested. Opening track "Antidote" kicks things off with a rumbling guitar attack ushering in Ofu Kahn's bellowing growl of "Someone has found the antidote, to human suffering". Other standout offerings include "Hole In Me" a downshift from the assault and battery of the album ihtro with it's cold atmosphere and slow tempo, the epic "Distorted Eyes" clocking in at over 10 minutes long and the bemusingly titled "I Sweat W.O.M.D" a swirlingly display of riffs and atmosphere. One of the main differences between this collection and last album "Internal Punishment Programs" is less of an emphasis on the icy cold synth work of LRZ... his contribution has been blended into the sonic tapestry in a far more subtle way than on previous tracks like "Abstract Morality Junction" which was a showcase for cold atmosphere and beats.
So it seems that some not so benevolent deity has renewed his task of smiting my attempts at happiness. So I asked her if she wanted to go for coffee sometime after work and instead of the yes I was hoping for or the no I was kind of expecting it seems she's just as damaged as I am. Turns out her ex was kind of an asshole who despite saying he understood the "no sex before marriage" thing didn't and ended up fucking around behind her back which pretty much broke her, after I was told this I was suddenly filled with the urge to smash the guys teeth out with a hammer. I'll never understand how nice girls end up stuck with braindead ignorant cretins is it some sort of reverse natural selection in play?, as a result of this she's not really wanting to see anyone outside her religion but despite this she didn't say we couldn't "date", I think after knowing her so long she's come to understand I'm not like your average joe who just wants to get wasted and fuck the nearest thing in a skirt. So we're kind of stuck in this awkward kind of limbo where I'm trying to organise something but other stuff just keeps getting in the way whether it's work,uni, church or something else. I think one of the problems is she doesn't really think I like her 'cause her self esteem has just been ripped away and now she thinks no one will like her 'cause guys only like girls for sex. To be honest it's one big neurotic mess of distorted emotions and mental scars. I talk to her online 2 or 3 times a week and from the stuff we talk about I know she trusts me and she's always there to pick me up off the floor when I'm on a downer and I'm just staring at the wall wondering what the point to anything is. I think that's one of the main reasons I like her so much she's so happy most of the time which balances out my negativity. Whenever I'm feeling like my life is hollow and pointless I see that smile and it's like everything just fades into the background and really doesn't matter, I forget about all the crap I carry around in my head and constantly worry about, will I ever get my own place?,Will I ever have kids?,Will I ever make a difference in my life? Is there a point to anything? it all just dissappears. I keep having people ask me why I like her "'cause she's boring" and I just say "maybe I prefer that to someone who's out 3 nights a week getting smashed and jumping on the nearest guy". I know we'd be like the odd couple I even mentioned this to her but it doesn't bother me or her what people say, I've never cared what people think about me really 'cause at the end of the day why should I be bothered by people that are judgemental, ignorant and adamant that anyone who isn't like them is somehow inferior. I'm hoping we can sort something out but my faith is in short supply these days.
Bread, Surprisingly Complicated.
As a lighthearted aside to my mental trauma I thought I'd show you the promo stuff I got off a rep at work regarding one of our suppliers relaunch of their products, for you folks in the U.S of A this probably won't mean anything but for anyone in the UK who's been down the supermarket recently they might have noticed it. Someone was undoubtedly paid a lot of money for this.
New Music
CombiChrist What The Fuck Is Wrong With You People
After what seems like ages the new CombiChrist album is here and I have to say it was really worth the wait, Andy Laplegua and his cohorts have produced an excellent example of sonic weaponry for anyone with an interest in EBM,Electronica,Trance, or music of an industrial leaning. Following on from previous album Everybody Hates You was always going to be hard to pull off but from the offerings here I think all involved have surpassed any of their previous material. The new version of "Electrohead" is a quality stomping track featuring new vocals spat out with vigour to match anything by Hatebreed. The same can be said for several other tracks especially the raging "Fuck That Shit" and "Shut Up And Swallow". Not wanting to make things get stale they even throw in wildcard tracks like "Red" with a thudding drum kick unlike anything else on this or any other album they've done. It remains to be seen how long Andy Laplegua can keep his train rolling with so many projects going on Icon Of Coil, Panzer AG,Combichrist & Scandy to name a few but from the evidence here all is well for the time being.
Red Harvest A Greater Darkness
The artwork pretty much sets the tone here for industrial rumblings of an underground style. Red Harvest have long been purveyors to the well informed when it comes to their dark brand of industrial metal, with new album "A Greater Darkness" they show they've still got plenty to offer to the uninitiated and the interested. Opening track "Antidote" kicks things off with a rumbling guitar attack ushering in Ofu Kahn's bellowing growl of "Someone has found the antidote, to human suffering". Other standout offerings include "Hole In Me" a downshift from the assault and battery of the album ihtro with it's cold atmosphere and slow tempo, the epic "Distorted Eyes" clocking in at over 10 minutes long and the bemusingly titled "I Sweat W.O.M.D" a swirlingly display of riffs and atmosphere. One of the main differences between this collection and last album "Internal Punishment Programs" is less of an emphasis on the icy cold synth work of LRZ... his contribution has been blended into the sonic tapestry in a far more subtle way than on previous tracks like "Abstract Morality Junction" which was a showcase for cold atmosphere and beats.
VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
I've been there.
Try to stay positive. At the very least, you now have a friend. Someone you like, and someone who likes you. It might, with time, lead to more. But even if it doesn't, at least you made the effort and got the courage to ask her out.
That's a pretty big deal to me at least.
Like you, I can never understand why perfectly normal, nice, women seem to get into relationships with complete assholes. It just defies logic. Yet there are so many examples of it.
Do your best to keep up your new friendship with her. Just don't base your efforts solely on the goal of getting into a relationship. Try your best to be happy, or at least content, with the idea of just being friends.
Maybe he just drank lots of coffee?
I know what you mean about letting your brain turn to sludge.
I feel like that's what's happened to mine. I honestly worry that I've become dumber through lack of use of my mind.