BURNED OUT & BROKEN
So I'm feeling kind of lower than the floor today, I just realised I never do anything that doesn't involve either work or my family. Don't get me wrong I love my family, we're not exactly little house on the prairie material but we don't hate each other and my parents haven't split up which is a good thing. I feel like I'm stuck in limbo I can't go out with anyone from work 'cause it would just be awkward since I'm into totally different stuff to them and I can't go out with my brothers 'cause they've both got their jobs and their own thing going on. I feel like I'm just treading water or something, my job seems to be eating away at me like some slow acting poison lately, I can't go to the pub after work with everyone else 'cause I live so far away so I feel like I'm missing out on this whole bond that everyone else seems to have. I was supposed to be going out today just to meet someone and hangout but they cancelled at the last minute last night and I know it's not really that big a deal since it's just a matter of rearranging it but it totally crushed me like I'd just been punched in the gut. It's been so long since I actually had something to look forward to that everything in my head just collapsed into a heap of broken mental disarray and I sat on my bed just crying at the seeming futility of everything I do (I don't want to sound insensitive but I never cry at anything not even funerals) I feel like I've been down in the dark for so long that I've forgotten what the light looks like
Everybody tells me I'm too negative and I need to cheer up but how can I when the tunnel seems to be so long that I can't see the light the end of it. Every month I spend most of my money on stuff just to try and fill the gaping void where my life should be. I know I'm just on a really bad downer today and I'll probably feel better tommorow but it doesn't change the feeling that I'm just existing instead of living, how do other people cope if this is all there is.
So I'm feeling kind of lower than the floor today, I just realised I never do anything that doesn't involve either work or my family. Don't get me wrong I love my family, we're not exactly little house on the prairie material but we don't hate each other and my parents haven't split up which is a good thing. I feel like I'm stuck in limbo I can't go out with anyone from work 'cause it would just be awkward since I'm into totally different stuff to them and I can't go out with my brothers 'cause they've both got their jobs and their own thing going on. I feel like I'm just treading water or something, my job seems to be eating away at me like some slow acting poison lately, I can't go to the pub after work with everyone else 'cause I live so far away so I feel like I'm missing out on this whole bond that everyone else seems to have. I was supposed to be going out today just to meet someone and hangout but they cancelled at the last minute last night and I know it's not really that big a deal since it's just a matter of rearranging it but it totally crushed me like I'd just been punched in the gut. It's been so long since I actually had something to look forward to that everything in my head just collapsed into a heap of broken mental disarray and I sat on my bed just crying at the seeming futility of everything I do (I don't want to sound insensitive but I never cry at anything not even funerals) I feel like I've been down in the dark for so long that I've forgotten what the light looks like
Everybody tells me I'm too negative and I need to cheer up but how can I when the tunnel seems to be so long that I can't see the light the end of it. Every month I spend most of my money on stuff just to try and fill the gaping void where my life should be. I know I'm just on a really bad downer today and I'll probably feel better tommorow but it doesn't change the feeling that I'm just existing instead of living, how do other people cope if this is all there is.
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
i think you should just move to a big city like london.. it'll make a world of difference to your life. you'll be living a different life in no time, preferably one that'll suit you better than your current lifestyle. coz here, you won't feel like an outsider. you'll find plenty others into the same shit.