menessxo

so saturday night i went to my girlfriends house to sleep over and it was the first time i tried to sleep out since my surgery... in november... and the last time i slept out i ended up an hour away from home and in a shitty hospital that almost killed me and then i checked myself out and went to a different hospital and they removed my gallbladder... now i have 4 ugly scars on my stomach...

we are getting off track...

so i went to my girlfriends house and she lives about 40 mins from me... we arrived around 7:30 and by ten i was feeling my chest get tight and i was getting clammy hands... ugh i hate this feeling... and it only marks trouble... for me any way... we did some bong hits and ate dinner... she made me an awesome london broil with broccoli and mashed taters... we played with her baby snapping turtles and dogs... my chest just got tighter and soon i got a ringing in my ears to join the clamming hands... ugh a fucking panic attack!!!

So i try to relax... all the while mind you i have a 5 foot 9 girl friend with a smoking hot body sexy long hair and silky soft skin... and i cant get my weirdness under control... so at like 12 am im still freaking out, we watched a movie, cuddled, made out, and all but i go to the point where my music could not soothe me, nor could smoking, or my girlfriend... i started to rock back and forth and cry and finally decided that i was not going to be ok until i went home...

now comes the tricky part

i made it until 4 am and then finally we hopped into her car and brought me home.. on any normal day i would have drove to her place and could have left any time i wanted but she was near by and wanted to pick me up and i did not protest... i was sooooooo embarrassed and i totally thought she was gonna dump me... so far she has not and she was really understanding about my whole deal...

i went and bought a laptop yesterday... it was so cheap i could not resist...

well i think ill hit the gym today and start tightening the jiggle... i have finally fully recovered from my shitty surgery situation... physically anyway... and can start to tighten up all the muscle and tone i lost from it... i dont want to be skinny... i just wanna not jiggle so much... i like my body thick and curvy... thats the way almost every era of woman were portrayed until skinny became part of vanity in the 1900s and then every woman in america wants to be a size 0... not me... i like being corn fed, home grown, and all natural!!!

xoxo
Meness

my new laptop



me three mins ago relaxing in my bed...