melvina

it's been. just. a. bad.day.

however. i did get to talk to beck this afternoon. made me happy. always makes me smile, despite myself and my talent of wallowing internally in some sort of insipid and ever-lasting miserable-ness.

but.

i also-

checked out a new apartment. on top of a funeral home. on top of the body-cars and embalming room.

right.behind.the.crematorium.

i hope i can manage to get it. and then. it's moving. and not telling anyone where i'm going. so that i might be left alone.

i'm crashing from the things i should not be doing and sliding my evening pill cocktail down my throat. without eating. a mistake that i shall regret later in the morning when i wake up vomiting but. you know. after a few weeks, you don't want to eat any more.

and. i love the feeling of my body. starving. it's. indescriable and. lovely.

don't bitch. we all have our vices.

i just have more than you. many. many. more.

i have too much on my mind to function properly at this time.

to disappear would be a dream.

i miss our dancing, jules.