Getting comfortable in my own skin:
Trial by fire is a hell of a thing. Constantly putting myself in situations I, as an introvert, hate being in really tests me and I can finally see growth, improvement, blah blah blah. I've spent a lot of time shadowing people I strive to be like. I try and take away as much as I can and I think I am finally starting to use what I have learned. I feel I am far from my goals artistically, but I see progress. My knowledge of light, camera, and team is getting better. With all that, confidence is built and hopefully skills advance. I still fuck up, rush, let people steal control, but as with any problem, knowing is half the battle....yo joe?.
I shot my first project where I took an idea and made it my own. Most of the time, I am shooting in situations where it isn't my gig, my idea, or just helping out. Of all the types of photography I am currently involved in, taking an idea and working with others to realize it with photography is the most rewarding. I realize my head is a strange and bizzare place and being able to pull from it something that can be represented in the real world is a challenge to me. I think my mind's eye sees in a cubist format. Every angle of a set is superimposed into one image that I can see and trying to figure out how to take all that and throw it into something that the "normals" can see, well it aint easy. To me, I can be looking down at a subject and see it as if the camera were looking up....how does work? Who knows, I don't think I want to take a second mortgage out to pay some person with a nice couch to probe my gray matter to find out.
Why am I typing all this? Shit, I have a house to vacuum and I don't want to do it. There is open honesty for ya. Not a M. Night Shamylan (I know its spelled wrong) twist, but hey I'm not that exciting. I do see dead people and it scares the shit out of me. My girlfriend put me in this fucking trance or some shit and I saw things that freaked the shit out of me. I don't believe in hypnosis or past life regression, but she made me see things that well...are weird. Thats for a different journal entry or what I tell the arresting officer as I am running around naked save for duct tape on my genitals yelling about the grapefruit out to take residence in my armpit.
There are also days where I want to shut it all down, go to my safe spot and work on my animation. building 3d models, texturing, rigging, lighting, animating is more safe and more fun, but then again so is having hot chics telling me they want to work with me just because they like my work is also something hard to turn down....fuck....Im an artist, not a perv.......there I go again with my minds eye throwing every angle into one....why are you still reading this? go away! do something....leave! I mean thanks.
Trial by fire is a hell of a thing. Constantly putting myself in situations I, as an introvert, hate being in really tests me and I can finally see growth, improvement, blah blah blah. I've spent a lot of time shadowing people I strive to be like. I try and take away as much as I can and I think I am finally starting to use what I have learned. I feel I am far from my goals artistically, but I see progress. My knowledge of light, camera, and team is getting better. With all that, confidence is built and hopefully skills advance. I still fuck up, rush, let people steal control, but as with any problem, knowing is half the battle....yo joe?.
I shot my first project where I took an idea and made it my own. Most of the time, I am shooting in situations where it isn't my gig, my idea, or just helping out. Of all the types of photography I am currently involved in, taking an idea and working with others to realize it with photography is the most rewarding. I realize my head is a strange and bizzare place and being able to pull from it something that can be represented in the real world is a challenge to me. I think my mind's eye sees in a cubist format. Every angle of a set is superimposed into one image that I can see and trying to figure out how to take all that and throw it into something that the "normals" can see, well it aint easy. To me, I can be looking down at a subject and see it as if the camera were looking up....how does work? Who knows, I don't think I want to take a second mortgage out to pay some person with a nice couch to probe my gray matter to find out.
Why am I typing all this? Shit, I have a house to vacuum and I don't want to do it. There is open honesty for ya. Not a M. Night Shamylan (I know its spelled wrong) twist, but hey I'm not that exciting. I do see dead people and it scares the shit out of me. My girlfriend put me in this fucking trance or some shit and I saw things that freaked the shit out of me. I don't believe in hypnosis or past life regression, but she made me see things that well...are weird. Thats for a different journal entry or what I tell the arresting officer as I am running around naked save for duct tape on my genitals yelling about the grapefruit out to take residence in my armpit.
There are also days where I want to shut it all down, go to my safe spot and work on my animation. building 3d models, texturing, rigging, lighting, animating is more safe and more fun, but then again so is having hot chics telling me they want to work with me just because they like my work is also something hard to turn down....fuck....Im an artist, not a perv.......there I go again with my minds eye throwing every angle into one....why are you still reading this? go away! do something....leave! I mean thanks.
Anyway.....yes, once I awoke from the trance of the sweet, sweet NyQuil....I did discover he was cheating on me. Bastard!