mellythepirate

I'm really proud of my last LJ post, so this is mostly copied and pasted, with a few added details.

So I planned a trip to the public library with a few of my kids. I made the library sound like the coolest place on earth, and a bunch of them wanted to go. Since I never heard back from my assistant principal about it being a problem, I told them we could go right after school, during the extended day tutoring time that is mostly bullshit anyway. So she comes to me Wednesday afternoon and says, "You never got that note I put in your mailbox? You can't go because this is supposed to be instructional time. Also you shouldn't take them, because you can't be liable for being with them. They're old enough to go on their own." One of my kids wisely quips, "Oh, just like we're allowed to go down to lunch alone? And come back up alone?" Haha ZINGER. Regardless, I do as I'm told. Kind of. I helped some of them with their homework and played Apples to Apples with others. When 3:27 rolls around, the ones that still can go walk right with me to the library. Two were really excited about their new library cards. We had a wonderful time.

I awoke on Thursday to a text from a sweet boy back home. It made me feel lonely, until I was too busy scrambling to get my shit together to think about anything besides school for the rest of the day.

I found out about our field trip on Friday by one of my students a few days ago. Great. Not like I planned lessons or anything. (Actually, I managed to move things up by a day on the schedule anyway, so I'm fine.) I asked my A.P. what teachers were going on the field trip because I need to work one on one with a few of them to make sure they are caught up on their essays. She said, "All of them. Did you write a report?" Cause I totally know what that is. I guess we're having a sub come in, and I was supposed to leave lessons for her. Ok, great, I'll get right on that. I also love how she is under the impression that all of the students will be going on the trip. There is gonna be some last minute bull shit where a ton of them won't turn in slips or won't want to go. Somebody else will have to stay behind. So it's nice to know none of that has been planned, and it is all up in the air.

My program director from TFA came and observed my class on Thursday. Luckily she came and saw my worst class. (I say that with all honesty, because she is only there to give me advice and direction on how to do better. She is the most supportive person EVER.) I teared up a little after the lesson was over, because it's been a rough week. Plus, one of my students unknowingly locked my filing cabinet when he was playing with my stuff, and my wallet was trapped in there so I couldn't buy lunch, so I was feeling the lack of blood sugar burn. She told me to not be so hard on myself. Her exact words were, "If that was your worst class, then you are doing fantastic." And she was right. Even the ones that were off task were taking notes and mostly doing the lesson. I need to settle down. I should be proud of myself. Things are not perfect, but I really do have a good foundation that will be nice to build from. Then she left me a snack. It was so sweet I teared up again.

During extended day, L.M. asked me if he could show me some work from his class. I said "Totally." T.B. laughed at my use of the word 'totally,' and said, "You talkin' like a white girl. Are you white, miss?" ROFLMAO. Umm.... Was that ever really a question in your mind? Honestly. (Side note, I still have kids asking me every day about my eye color, and J.N. asked me the other day why my skin was so light. Because I am one of the few white faces in the school. Oh yeah, segregation totally is over since Brown v. Board.)

Then we had an emegency staff meeting after school. Our school's report card came out. We got a D. The good news from that? There's nowhere to go but up. I guess. Our Principal's message? "Work harder." I almost got up and walked out of the auditorium. I was joking with my dad about how exactly I can work harder. "Ms. A, those 7 hours a night you are spending sleeping are wasted time. That could be spent planning!"

Other news from the meeting: We were budgeted for about 28 more students than we have. Meaning we have to give back that money, to the tune of $150,000. How exactly are we going to cut that budget? My principal said the last thing she wanted to do was excess teachers. (But yet that was the first thing out of her mouth.... hmmmm...) How does excessing go? Seniority and class size. I am the newest teacher at my school, and my classes have 13 students each. You do the math.

My friend who is teaching ESL overseas called me. He was in a funk, saying things like "this wasn't for him" and "he doesn't like it" and "he doesn't think he can do it." He said a lot of things that I feel. Yet I comforted him and encouraged him, and it made me feel a little better myself. Unfortunately we couldn't talk too long cause his phone is so expensive, but I think I'm going to write him a long and loving e-mail.

Then my friend Jess called me after school, and I complained about list of things above. She asked how my kids were, and I said crazy. We reminisced about how shitty 8th grade is for everyone. But then I started talking about my kids individually, and I could not stop gushing. I love them. Seriously, it happened so fast. Today K.B. was off task, again, as usual. I sat next to him to help him one on one, and I could tell he was struggling. But I graded his writing diagnostic, and I know his writing is astonishing. Seriously, he wrote this story, and it was so suspenseful, I'm going to give it back to him so that he can finish it. So I told him, "Guess who's one of the best writers in the class? You are. I don't want you playing around, I need you finishing your work." And the way his eyes lit up will keep me going for a few more weeks. I had to do the same thing yesterday with A.D. He sits with his boys and pretends he doesn't understand the work. But his reading level is higher than almost everyone. So I told him I didn't want him clowning like he doesn't get it, because I know how smart he is and he can't trick me anymore. That sheepish grin on his face was a mix of "Really?" and "Shit, you caught me." It was so cute, and I foresee great things with him. And lastly, I have another kid who is reading Animal Farm. He couldn't really understand the book until I told him what an allegory was, and about how the whole book is an allegory for communist Russia. He then asked me who every character in the book was and every event that happened in Russia. I didn't know because a. I haven't read that book since 7th grade and b. I never really learned history in school. So I told him to ask the Social Studies teacher. She came up to me at the end of the day telling me about how he finishes his work early so that he can keep reading, and about how he was asking her every detail possible too. And you know what? It's kids like that who make this all worth it. I have inspired him to read. That is my job. It might be one down, and 24 to go, but... at least it's one down. Little by little, I will do this.

Our week ended on a happy note. The field trip to the Hall of Science was a blast. And like we thought, only 33 kids went, leaving about 30 back in the classroom with the sub. I don't think they got anything done. But I had fun playing with shadows and making bubbles with my boys. I have some amazing pictures. They are adorable. Then I met some of the elementary teachers and paraprofessionals at the bar. Everyone got drunk and went home, but my new BFF (the only other middle school teacher who showed up for drinks) and I made plans to meet up later. I went to a rock and roll karaoke bar to meet up with some other TFAsters. Most of them went home, leaving just me and one other teacher to go crosstown to meet up with my boys from school again. I drank a lot of beer. Now I have a lot of homework.

It's been a terrible/great week.