melantha

At least I haven't been the only one not updating lately.. I do miss other people's entries though. Anyway, if I can get a ride back, my car is going away for a day to finally (hopefully) get fixed. The brakes have been acting up for most of the last month, am still burning gas, and my front passenger's tire is cursed (this followed me from my previous car). The guy doesn't believe me about the gas, but other people smell it outside after I've driven at all. I hope I'm imagining the smell in the car, because that really won't help my bp, or migraines.

I have to try to twist my doctor's arm tomorrow. My bp has been constantly low for almost 5 weeks, so that I'm having my "spells" most nights now, and I can't hide it at work. I'm getting chest pain from being low for so long, and today my arm was hurting too, really scaring the woman I was relieving. My doctor wants me to monitor my bp at the little booth in the grocery store until my next visit (3 more weeks) before adjusting my meds, which keep having to increase. I pointed out that this wasn't going to work well, but she told me to just go with it. It's a 20 minute drive from my place to the store.. I don't think there's anywhere even a little bit closer. But between the idiots on the highway and whatnot, my bp is a little higher when I get inside and make it over to the booth, and this is assuming it's low at the start of the drive. Last Wednesday, my bosses were afraid to let me drive home. I was a little worried, but it was very cold, and I was desperate to get home and lie down. I was NOT going to stop halfway to take my bp. Nor was I going to drag myself out of bed when another bad spell hit last night. I shouldn't drive like this, and I can't get the readings she seems to want. I also shouldn't put this much strain on myself. It would be entirely possible for me to lie about the readings, if I were that sort, and desperate enough... so why is she doing it this way? I just don't get it.

Still on the medical topic... I finally started up on lithium last Thursday. Which might cause issues when adjusting my other med, but I needed to do it. It came a bit too late. It might not have helped to start 3 weeks earlier, when I'd first seen the doctor (and I've been waiting to see him since October), but I might not have fucked up so badly with my.. friend. I still don't know if I can call him that, I know, I'm odd. Our last time hanging out, a month ago, went really well. I thought, anyway. But so much stress came at once, and I've been trying SOO hard to be completely harmless so he'll hang out with me, and all the pressure got to me and his standoffishness didn't help. So the last month was bad between us, but I think he finally forgave me. I won't know until tomorrow if he's still going to come over on the 3rd.. and my best friend (who I haven't seen since we shot the last two sets) wants to visit on the 4th.. This is more socializing than I'm used to in a month.

So this leads to the set... it's been rejected. My friend resized I think 9 pics, but I had told him to go ahead and do more.. I don't think he took me seriously about it, because I was going to put a good deal of the set up, beyond safeish. I'm not sure right now. I did finally work up the nerve to talk to another photographer, who was very nice, and maybe we'll work together. I was worried about hurting his feelings, but my friend is practically shoving me into her lap, so I guess I'll see about making some sort of plans with her. I still have to wait 3 months, but she probably can't see me too soon, anyway, and I have no ideas right now.