melantha

Well, we talked today, and apparently I didn't do anything too bad, just enough to trigger the "just friends" thing, which is a relief.. and I'm definately more freaked out about it than he is, though I'm not certain if he's as ok about it as he says? We might still be able to talk and hang out, or it might be too weird and I lost my only local sorta-friend.. time will tell on that one.

As I pointed out, I don't drink much. I've certainly not had any crazy drunk moments. I don't see the appeal to frequent drunkeness, and I know my family history well enough not to mess with things like that. It's just that sometimes you need to not be you, and there's no other way to get away, and that's why getting drunk seemed like the thing to do. Just a little time not having to worry or think. And I really didn't drink that much, either.. as a slow drinker, it shouldn't have been the last few sips that got me, it should have been building? But I'm pretty worn down now, and it happened.. and I gave myself more to worry and stress over. Pretty dumb. It made sense at the time though?

And on top of knowing what an idiot I was, and worrying about the damage I've caused, there's the additional sting. Really stupid. I wouldn't have done anything if I was sober.. I just don't start things. I got the "just friends" thing though. Which is good, because I hadn't meant to do anything and it wouldn't be that good if anything happened while I was less than coherent.. but it's still rejection. No one really likes it, no matter how it came up. And while it was good that he said it (overall, and because that's when I snapped back), it still hurts to hear. If that makes the slightest bit of sense to anyone.