Ok...for the funneh.....here is my favorite horoscope from the onion.
Mine is particularly apt, I think. I am scorpio.
Aries Mar 21 - Apr 19
You'll have your train of thought derailed this week, instantly killing thousands of Indian passengers, injuring countless livestock, and choking the streets with cargo and crew.
Taurus Apr 20 - May 20
Since the dawn of time, man has dreamed of flying. After this Thursday though, it'll mostly just be nightmares.
Gemini May 21 - Jun 21
It's not true that everything you like is illegal, immoral, or fattening, but that's because you're a boring Puritan with no imagination or glands.
Cancer Jun 22 - Jul 22
Not that it's really the Zodiac's business, but most people take the dead goldfish out of the tank before adding new ones. The same goes for the drowned cats.
Leo Jul 23 - Aug 22
A freak accident this week will endow you with the relative strength and speed of 10 wheelchair-bound men.
Virgo Aug 23 - Sep 22
You've never paid much attention to abandoned offshore oil platforms before, but suddenly everyone seems to think they'd be perfect for you.
Libra Sep 23 - Oct 23
Getting laid off is a tough pill to swallow, though that's primarily because it's a suppository.
Scorpio Oct 24 - Nov 21
Through the impressive process of extending Orion's celestial finger, the stars indicate that you should fuck off.
Sagittarius Nov 22 - Dec 21
Sometimes you wish you could just close your eyes and disappear. Wait, no. Not sometimes. Always.
Capricorn Dec 22 - Jan 19
Next time, when passing a note intended to find out if someone likes you, you'll know to provide more than one box to check.
Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18
It turns out that Andy Warhol overestimated the duration of your fame by about 14 and a half minutes.
Pisces Feb 19 - Mar 20
Although you've certainly slept your way somewhere, no one would ever mistake it for the top.
Just loads and LOADS of crap in my life. I even have to start more antibiotics...and in two weeks, if that doesn't help, then I have to go see a specialist.
And I refuse to see the ONLY one in this town....for his unhelpful and unprofessional behavior in a prior appointment. And there was no nurse in the room.
I did get to see my favorite scene in the Wedding Singer tonight. I need to pick up that movie!!!! I love it when Debbie plays those songs on her ipod at work! It is such a pressure-lifter.
Mine is particularly apt, I think. I am scorpio.
Aries Mar 21 - Apr 19
You'll have your train of thought derailed this week, instantly killing thousands of Indian passengers, injuring countless livestock, and choking the streets with cargo and crew.
Taurus Apr 20 - May 20
Since the dawn of time, man has dreamed of flying. After this Thursday though, it'll mostly just be nightmares.
Gemini May 21 - Jun 21
It's not true that everything you like is illegal, immoral, or fattening, but that's because you're a boring Puritan with no imagination or glands.
Cancer Jun 22 - Jul 22
Not that it's really the Zodiac's business, but most people take the dead goldfish out of the tank before adding new ones. The same goes for the drowned cats.
Leo Jul 23 - Aug 22
A freak accident this week will endow you with the relative strength and speed of 10 wheelchair-bound men.
Virgo Aug 23 - Sep 22
You've never paid much attention to abandoned offshore oil platforms before, but suddenly everyone seems to think they'd be perfect for you.
Libra Sep 23 - Oct 23
Getting laid off is a tough pill to swallow, though that's primarily because it's a suppository.
Scorpio Oct 24 - Nov 21
Through the impressive process of extending Orion's celestial finger, the stars indicate that you should fuck off.
Sagittarius Nov 22 - Dec 21
Sometimes you wish you could just close your eyes and disappear. Wait, no. Not sometimes. Always.
Capricorn Dec 22 - Jan 19
Next time, when passing a note intended to find out if someone likes you, you'll know to provide more than one box to check.
Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18
It turns out that Andy Warhol overestimated the duration of your fame by about 14 and a half minutes.
Pisces Feb 19 - Mar 20
Although you've certainly slept your way somewhere, no one would ever mistake it for the top.
Just loads and LOADS of crap in my life. I even have to start more antibiotics...and in two weeks, if that doesn't help, then I have to go see a specialist.
And I refuse to see the ONLY one in this town....for his unhelpful and unprofessional behavior in a prior appointment. And there was no nurse in the room.
I did get to see my favorite scene in the Wedding Singer tonight. I need to pick up that movie!!!! I love it when Debbie plays those songs on her ipod at work! It is such a pressure-lifter.
nexttuesday:
If I could just hug you and kiss you better I would!
mydogfarted:
My favorite scene in Wedding Singer is the Jon Lovitz scene. I love the entire movie, but there is just something about Jon Lovitz singing "Chahakahn, Chakakhan!"