I think that things have really been going well in our relationship. I
think that we HAVE been more giving-open-honest-loving-forthcoming
recently.
I was told something Saturday that really put my mind at ease about a
few things. And this comment was unsolicited, which meant a great deal
to me. The only thing that I worry about is that I want to be #1 and
the only one that he truly loves. I do not know what anyone else thinks of
our relationship, but I think that things are working out and I do love
him more than ever and I really hope that he feels the same way. I always
wanted to be so close and I didn't know how to achieve that. When you
feel that someone is pushing you away, you really don't know what you
would do. And what you will probably do as a reaction will be probably
be negative and detrimental to the whole relationship. And every action
from that point on will be negative and detrimental as well. I am glad that
we have another chance.
I have been getting in touch with old friends and making a few new
acquaintances. I moved here in 1998 and most of my friends had already
moved away from my home town. There was a bunch that I had just fallen
out of contact with. When I first moved up here, I was pretty good at
staying in contact with friends and family by email. That SEVERELY
slacked off over the years.
I have a therapy appt today. I am doing pretty good, so I might not
have to go every week. I have a lot of things to work out, but I feel that
I am doing better. I still have a great fear of the unknown. Which is
understandable. When you wake up every morning thinking one way about
something, and then find out that you are SO wrong, it messes with you
constantly. I want to be the only one so badly and want to know that I
am the only one he loves. I fight the good fight each and every day over
my problems-thoughts-reactions-mind, and most of the time recently I am
winning. I do have good days and bad days. I need a lot of reassurance,
love, and understanding when I am struggling.
I have a physical on Monday. I know some things are going to be good,
but some things are going to be bad. I haven't had a physical in a few
years, so I am a little scared. I have some family medical concerns
that I get checked out and I have my own past ones that I have to stay on
top of. One thing that I am scared of is my weight. Since our issues
started almost 2 months ago, I have not been eating too much. I have lost
between 30 and 40 pounds. That is too extreme. I have some concerns
over that-lethergy, concentration, hair loss (falling out), sleep loss, immunity
issues-and I hope that I am on the come back trail. I am eating a bit more, but
still not enough. I am really scared about the immunity stuff. I have
lupus in my family and I have tested positive for anti-nuclear
antibodies a few years ago and then on the re-test, negative.
I really hope things go well!
think that we HAVE been more giving-open-honest-loving-forthcoming
recently.
I was told something Saturday that really put my mind at ease about a
few things. And this comment was unsolicited, which meant a great deal
to me. The only thing that I worry about is that I want to be #1 and
the only one that he truly loves. I do not know what anyone else thinks of
our relationship, but I think that things are working out and I do love
him more than ever and I really hope that he feels the same way. I always
wanted to be so close and I didn't know how to achieve that. When you
feel that someone is pushing you away, you really don't know what you
would do. And what you will probably do as a reaction will be probably
be negative and detrimental to the whole relationship. And every action
from that point on will be negative and detrimental as well. I am glad that
we have another chance.
I have been getting in touch with old friends and making a few new
acquaintances. I moved here in 1998 and most of my friends had already
moved away from my home town. There was a bunch that I had just fallen
out of contact with. When I first moved up here, I was pretty good at
staying in contact with friends and family by email. That SEVERELY
slacked off over the years.
I have a therapy appt today. I am doing pretty good, so I might not
have to go every week. I have a lot of things to work out, but I feel that
I am doing better. I still have a great fear of the unknown. Which is
understandable. When you wake up every morning thinking one way about
something, and then find out that you are SO wrong, it messes with you
constantly. I want to be the only one so badly and want to know that I
am the only one he loves. I fight the good fight each and every day over
my problems-thoughts-reactions-mind, and most of the time recently I am
winning. I do have good days and bad days. I need a lot of reassurance,
love, and understanding when I am struggling.
I have a physical on Monday. I know some things are going to be good,
but some things are going to be bad. I haven't had a physical in a few
years, so I am a little scared. I have some family medical concerns
that I get checked out and I have my own past ones that I have to stay on
top of. One thing that I am scared of is my weight. Since our issues
started almost 2 months ago, I have not been eating too much. I have lost
between 30 and 40 pounds. That is too extreme. I have some concerns
over that-lethergy, concentration, hair loss (falling out), sleep loss, immunity
issues-and I hope that I am on the come back trail. I am eating a bit more, but
still not enough. I am really scared about the immunity stuff. I have
lupus in my family and I have tested positive for anti-nuclear
antibodies a few years ago and then on the re-test, negative.
I really hope things go well!