I never really realized, until I just went through my journal about how emotional i can become just by reading my journal entries. I was betrayed by a friend last winter, and i was so upset and angry i wrote her a letter, which i never gave to her, but it really helped just to write it. rereading it brought back so much emotion, and it made me question whether i should give this to her or not, because we kind of just forgot about the whole thing, and im afraid if i never show this to her she might never understand how i really felt, or she might never understand that what she did was wrong. i dunno. any suggestions? this is what i have...
Dear you....
What you did really hurt me, in several ways. No matter how many times you say that you are sorry I can never ever forgive you. I also do not feel that your guilt or apologies are genuine, or that the guilt you feel or apologies that you are giving me are because you are truly sorry, but because you got caught. The numerous times we've discussed that if a guy has cheated before, he has no problem doing it again, didn't seem to go through your head. For some reason, you felt exempt from it. What makes you think that you are so much better than me, that he would cheat on me and not you? Do you view me as a lesser being? It really hurts that you feel that way.
It hurts me that you went into your relationship knowing that you would be sacrificing our friendship. I thought our friendship was stronger than your selfishness. It hurts me that you are so selfish that you think that you didn't care enough about how I felt, you knew how much it tore me up inside. Its hard for me to pretend to be happy. I can put a bullshit smile on my face, and numb my insides with substances, but just because I don't always show my misery, doesn't mean I'm not hurting. The more that you lied to me, the more I had to use to keep myself from being in constant tears. I don't know if I was crying over him, or if i was crying because I knew you were betraying me.
it hurts me that you think i'm stupid. You think you can keep something like this from me so easily. If you didn't think I was stupid, you wouldnt have lied to me. But you obviously don't think very highly of me if you did this to me. You feel stupid because he lied to you, especially since he has a history of lying to girls. How do you think I feel? I feel stupid for trusting you since you have a history of lying, especially to me. I knew I would regret trusting you again, yet I decided to give you the benefit of the doubt. Big mistake I guess.
I know you are hurting right now too, but its really hard for me to not say that you deserve it, because in reality you deserve worse. How he made you feel will never compare to how much I'm hurting right now. I'm still dealing with the betrayal of someone whom I thought I loved, the confusion and pain of losing a child who still haunts me, and now I have to deal with the betrayal of someone who I thought was a good friend. I would never do this to you, no matter how much I lusted for someone.
I Guess all i'm trying to say that what you did is not okay, and you will probably never feel how I feel. You will never understand how I feel, until someone does it to you. Maybe thats what you need. I really want to still be your friend, but apologies will never restore the trust you lost. Hopefully you still have a good heart, maybe you just did some stupid selfish things. Just prove to me that trusting you again won't be another mistake.................................
-me
Dear you....
What you did really hurt me, in several ways. No matter how many times you say that you are sorry I can never ever forgive you. I also do not feel that your guilt or apologies are genuine, or that the guilt you feel or apologies that you are giving me are because you are truly sorry, but because you got caught. The numerous times we've discussed that if a guy has cheated before, he has no problem doing it again, didn't seem to go through your head. For some reason, you felt exempt from it. What makes you think that you are so much better than me, that he would cheat on me and not you? Do you view me as a lesser being? It really hurts that you feel that way.
It hurts me that you went into your relationship knowing that you would be sacrificing our friendship. I thought our friendship was stronger than your selfishness. It hurts me that you are so selfish that you think that you didn't care enough about how I felt, you knew how much it tore me up inside. Its hard for me to pretend to be happy. I can put a bullshit smile on my face, and numb my insides with substances, but just because I don't always show my misery, doesn't mean I'm not hurting. The more that you lied to me, the more I had to use to keep myself from being in constant tears. I don't know if I was crying over him, or if i was crying because I knew you were betraying me.
it hurts me that you think i'm stupid. You think you can keep something like this from me so easily. If you didn't think I was stupid, you wouldnt have lied to me. But you obviously don't think very highly of me if you did this to me. You feel stupid because he lied to you, especially since he has a history of lying to girls. How do you think I feel? I feel stupid for trusting you since you have a history of lying, especially to me. I knew I would regret trusting you again, yet I decided to give you the benefit of the doubt. Big mistake I guess.
I know you are hurting right now too, but its really hard for me to not say that you deserve it, because in reality you deserve worse. How he made you feel will never compare to how much I'm hurting right now. I'm still dealing with the betrayal of someone whom I thought I loved, the confusion and pain of losing a child who still haunts me, and now I have to deal with the betrayal of someone who I thought was a good friend. I would never do this to you, no matter how much I lusted for someone.
I Guess all i'm trying to say that what you did is not okay, and you will probably never feel how I feel. You will never understand how I feel, until someone does it to you. Maybe thats what you need. I really want to still be your friend, but apologies will never restore the trust you lost. Hopefully you still have a good heart, maybe you just did some stupid selfish things. Just prove to me that trusting you again won't be another mistake.................................
-me