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melancholia

Member Since 2008

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Saturday Feb 14, 2009

Feb 14, 2009
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It is 06.04 on the morning of Valentines Day. Since I cant sleep without thinking disturbed thoughts, and my internet server is down, I will write like I keep telling myself I should.

I read somewhere a long time ago that an authors first book is his autobiography. At the time I thought it to be ridiculous statement- a criticism on anyone who hadnt yet written enough to be widely acclaimed, that all first efforts should be burnt for simply being the first effort. I assumed it had been written by a critic.

Well, it probably was a critic who wrote that- but I didnt consider they might have been coming from the point of view of a writer.

Now that I am the (proud) owner of a laptop, it has opened up a whole new ream of opportunities within the writing world. As I can touch type, I can write a lot quicker. I can delete instantaneously, edit bits around and even search online for a competition which fits the piece I have open in another tab. Yes, even I, who despite owning more notebooks and journals and various forms of paper than most small stationery stores, can appreciate the technological notepad. But it isnt helping me get over the fact that all I want to write about is my own experiences. Me. All I have at 23, with a brain full of education and enough passion to fuel a carnival, is the desire to document my own mundane little life.

But Ive considered, that maybe this is just something which I need to do. Maybe all creatives (capital C?) have a certain stock of past experience which they need to use up before they can constructively assess it, remodel it or just let it go. Perhaps what the critic meant is that all first books happen because something has inspired a writer to sit down and thrash a novel out. Not that the entire storyline and character is based on them, as I perceived, but that maybe a small section relates to their lives. That even the book itself, its very existence, is the autobiography of the author.

However. Saying this does not help with the writing of a first book. How can you proudly tell your family and friends that you have penned (tapped) out a 3000 page novel, when they read it and know exactly how you came across those characters and scenarios? How easy is it- with a change in name and physical description, to hide things that have actually happened? The role of a writer perhaps. To take the truth and bend it sufficiently to fool others that it has come from your own creative genius. Too cynical? To take your own experiences and blend them with fictional creativity until smooth. Serve chilled.

Hmm. Perhaps you dont tell anyone. Adopt a pen name, feign indifference. I don't know. How can I write freely when in doing so I would betray the personal experiences I've had with those around me? How do you detach yourself, in order to learn how to reconnect?

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