melancholia

ach.

what exactly, IS, the matter?

everything is going well.

most things are going well.

which is more than a lot of people.

new job- tick. new town- tick. new chance of life- tick! all good!

i have made contact with some friends, i have lost some weight, (albeit not much, but enough to remember why i don't eat junk every day, and the benefits...
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things are still plodding on. i've found an area i'd like to live in, although it seems a very popular area so i'm not holding out for finding somewhere immediately. it would be good to be living by the coast though, i have a feeling i might be needing long beach walks and sleepy coffee shops over pubs, clubs and cinemas.

i have found an...
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hokey pokey

i'm watching, god knows why, 'what lies beneath' on the tv (which i havent seen yet- despite it being all of ten years old!) and i'm in the flat by myself, and the windows are open cos we're drying out our kitchen floor, and i'm really scared (haha!) so i'm going to write a blog and keep my eyes off that creepy mirror...
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things have been working out really nicely recently, which makes a bit of a change

feels like its been a really tough year so far.

but, i've been offered a new job and this will mean relocating to a much nicer town. it'll mean a new flat, new friends, new opportunities, a chance to be a new person..... all these exciting things!

naturally i'm shit...
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i'm planning the great escape.

i've been taking a lot of stock on things lately.

i've recently been through a really bad patch with someone who is so incredibly important to me, and during that time i came to realise every reason i missed them, every reason why i would stand by them despite the difficulties we went through and how lucky i was to have found them in the...
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He who binds to himself a joy
Does the winged life destroy;
But he who kisses the joy as it flies
Lives in eternity's sun rise.

William Blake

i know, i know, no pressures. que sera, relax, whatever.

you've got to go and do your thing, and heaven knows i've got to do mine.

and there's no need to do all these grand gestures on public sites when it could so easily be whispered over a couple of cups of tea and a scone.

but.

for all my faults, and preoccupation with romanticism,...
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anyone else find that the busier you get the less you want to write blogs?
i hate only being creative when everything is mulling in the pooper- so i will force some writing now, when i am feeling ok.

i find that i rarely say i'm 'good' these days. never 'happy', rarely 'content' and only sometimes 'not bad'. most of the time i am ok...
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