melancholia

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pi7Ds81niDw

the air felt good tonight.
walking slowly, breathing consciously,
heading back to pick up my car.
weaving through blank faced students
giggling over mundance incidents
things that arent meant to rhyme.

i wore my black fashionable jacket
with the slightly off centre collar
one of the few things i own
that make me feel as i am but twenty three
roaming around, in a wobbly...
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once.

once.

i have this ejector seat button.

it's kind of useful.

when it all gets a bit much, i just press it and whoooosshh i'm off into a better land.

but these ejector seats have a bit of a design flaw. they've still got to land, and they still fall really hard, and they really hurt. which seems almost pointless- until you panic the next time...
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what a weird month.

i've turned 23. quit my job, gone to paris, moved to a new town, started a new job, assisted with a festival, had an almost hugely successful party (almost in that it wasn't huge), made twelve or so new friends, prepared for another festival and eaten more jalapenos than i have in the past year.

so. where to start.

it feels...
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what is with the self destruct button?

stop looking at your past, and their past, my past. it's gone, everyone has changed since then. it doesn't have to be the fucking same for everyone. it doesnt make you any less important because the outcome isn't the same.

sigh.

idiot.

wooo!! happy birthday me

i left work today too, which is pretty sweet timing (and i thought) a great double celebration. and in all fairness, i've had an enjoyable day. but come the end of work there was just me sittiing alone in a pub with an embarrassing array of balloons, and a phone full of apologetic texts.

fuckers.

i was talking (listening) to a guy at work today, who indirectly offered some pretty good advice.

we've recently moved to an open plan office, so i've gone from sitting in an empty room for most of the week to being surrounded by at least ten people every day. its odd, and means a lot less facebooking during the working hours, but you get to...
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ah...writing.

during registration, break, lunch, inbetween teacher talking time in lessons, after school, every night, revision, in coffee shops, on buses, in cars, on trains, left deliberately on trains (oh the artisan), waiting for people, holding people up....writing.

i produced five full A4 books of writing in the space of two years. not to mention the endless half filled notebooks i have that are riddled...
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today was the last day my manager and i would work together (as she is off on holiday and i leave next friday) so we had a weird goodbye day where neither of us felt like we were going anywhere

still, it was cool. we went out for a mmmmmmmoooooohhhheeeeeeetttttooooo (rum based mint and lime drink), and she gave me some cool earrings as a...
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alright so i can conclude three reasons for the mood i have carted around for the past three days.

a) i am an ungrateful, selfish wench.

b) i am in love (and a romantic) so if my heart's not happy, nothing else is right.

c) i have severe PMT

i will draw my own answers. the point is, no one wants to hear about it....
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