melancholia

The secret of Happiness is Freedom, and the secret of Freedom, Courage. Thucydides.

Nothing like a quote to make you feel better.

Today was ok. Nothing revolutionary, but I've laughed a little bit and haven't cried and that's a lot more positive than some days in the past week so I'm happy with a minor step.

It wasn't a good nights sleep but I did...
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Work isn't going so well. I was so excited to get this job last summer, and up until October things were going really well. But the nature of the job is summer based, and the busiest months will be May- September. For the rest of the year the work dries up, which leaves me bored and restless. I take a lot of pride in my...
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It is 06.04 on the morning of Valentines Day. Since I cant sleep without thinking disturbed thoughts, and my internet server is down, I will write like I keep telling myself I should.

I read somewhere a long time ago that an authors first book is his autobiography. At the time I thought it to be ridiculous statement- a criticism on anyone who hadnt yet...
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It is Friday night, of Friday 13th. It has really not been a good day.

I walked out of my office at 17.02 and promptly burst into tears. Tears which didnt stop until 18.07, during which Id managed to walk home, give directions (yes- they still asked), drunk two cups of camomile tea and gush my entire problematic life to my flatmate, who despite her...
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i shouted at someone tonight.

which, for me, is unusual.


i've not been feeling too well the past couple of days. this could be a lack of sleep, poor diet, hormones or a general build up of the life riff-raff that occasionally slaps you in the face. i pretty much struggled throughout today, but was feeling a little perkier when i left to go home...
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depuis toujours
i said in my head
when people asked
how long i'd known you.

because thats how
it always felt, even when
it was all so brand new.
all that time ago.

and now a clock is passing
meaning i don't have the time
to be writing these lines,
you're going to be gone by morning.

there's no time to be delaying
on nostalgic...
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i sit and eat my crisps.
noisly, to spite my flatmate.
who is not paying me enough attention
which makes me up my toddler actions.

they are dull crisps, cheap squares
bubbly and burnt wafer slices.
i think of all the semicircle edges
trimmed into the wastage

the factory workers scooping
them into foodbags on fridays
perks of the job- a lunch staple!
for the...
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i am really not feeling good tonight. i haven't been down at a black hole for a while, in fact i worked pretty damn hard to drag myself out of that for the majority of last year.

and yet.

its gets tiring, and today has just thrown one too many blows.
but of course i can't succumb to a black hole, because it will only...
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there was a showing up the road
in our city's bohemian theatre
a film night featuring Amelie
to cheer us from this blue monday

and afterwards a local charity
had set up these random acts of kindness
so we could mingle amongst the
games and manoevre through christian banter.

but first, rewind to 6.20 pm and i've
been moving my bedroom for over an hour...
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i have an award winning smile,
or so everyone tells me.
i look, i frown, i breathe, i stare,
i smile that smile again.

we're in a club, im not dressed right
i'm dancing the disjointed hip
all i can think of is being away from here
but they're looking so i smile them away.

my arms swing free at my waist
i slow move...
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sitting on the edge of an abyss, dangling my legs.

always fun.

the past few days haven't been so good. i am struggling with the idea that i am innately selfish for wanting things, and the fact that i care too much for other people to satisfy my own happiness.

in actual fact i am feeling tired, emotionally drained and physically sick at things that i make myself read which only make my head feel worse.

maybe...
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