mei

driving home tonight, watching. lean forward and press my nose into the steering wheel, and suddenly the windshield is the world, and i am hurtling towards it. without a frame, the night is so much closer. the moon is huge and orange, and looks like it just woke up - bleary and blurred. the steering wheel is cold on my nose and i realize that i am swerving a little bit. who cares, though? i see a glow on the fields, and realize a car is coming. i always look into oncoming headlights and can't look away, frozen, like a deer. a doe in the rays is me.

more yoga today. i don't like this new studio. i miss my old one. once i move back into town i'm going back. they seem smarter there, and they push more gently. when i'm in yoga, my body feels the same way my brain used to feel after a night of hard partying. i know that it has much more capacity, i've just forgotten how to use it. i feel so limited. this used to be a dance - now i'm having to force my body to re-learn the flexability to do the steps, even though it remembers the mechanics. at least it makes me happy. tired and happy. awake during the day, asleep during the night. all as it should be.

i feel like doing the charleston. fingerwaves in my shiny hair, beads and floppy skirt. steptwist KICK, steptwist KICK.