mei

y'know, there are a few things to be said for being jobless. it sucks to be worrying about where rent will come from, and how food will happen, but i'm laying on my back porch in the sun right now, instead of just getting home from work and thinking about what i want to have for dinner. so that's a good thing.. i'm going to sit in the sun some more tomorrow, i think. do some reading. more reading, that is - i've been reading a lot.

i think that something ate our cherries. all of the little clusters that should have their slender stems holding little greenish globes - they're all brown and crackly. it's really a pity - i was looking forward to climbing around in the trees and picking cherries this year. i love to climb trees and pick fruit.

when i was lying in the sun yesterday, i accidentally stuck my foot in an anthill. i was reading, and suddenly my foot started stinging. i thought that it was probably just an extra itchy mosquito bite, so i ignored it until my foot started feeling crawly. looked down, and it's covered with ants! i poked at their nest a little bit - they were carrying out larvae and bustling about, all scared. i felt a little bit sorry for them, but not too much. for some reason i don't feel all that sympathetic to the ants. i think that it's because when i see too many of them, for too long, they start crawling behind my eyes. i shut my eyes, and i see a reddish orange background, with little black spots crawling, and crawling. it's bothersome. makes me feel more nuts than i really am. but my foot's okay today - they didn't do any permanent damage.

i need to go to sauvie island, or i'm going to start to get tan lines. my goal is to not have any significant tan lines this summer. probably in vain, but i don't like that i have to sunbathe with clothes on, even in my own backyard. our fences aren't high enough.

there's a tiny iridescent green bug hopping around the porch. he looks like a christmas decoration, all made out of cheap green foil. he needs a little red companion to fly around, spreading christmas cheer together. he's doing a funny little dance, too. walk, walk, fly, hop, hop. repeat. it looks like a little 18th century bug dance that should be done in couples. but he doesn't have a companion. maybe he's thinking about his mate, and pretending to dance with her. but it's not likely - he's a bug, after all.

i love the way that my skin looks in the sun. when i look back at my legs the edges are tannish, like graham crackers. and there's a glare down the middle, white and shining, as though my legs are streams of pale muddy water, and the sun is gleaming off of them. if i lift them up, the sun hits the fine hairs instead, illuminating them like the grass seed just off of the edge of the porch, behind me. my legs, like huge human stalks of grass. it's funny how looking at hair in the sun works. if i lay my head down and peer beneath my arm, my underarm hair doesn't look brown, it turns into a cluster of bright iridescent little starry circles. betcha the girls who shave all of their body hair didn't take that into consideration before they did it. i guess i'm just full of stars today. sun and stars.

it's good to be happy.