meeshi

Teh Bill just dropped me off at home, he's off to eat dinner with his family and his Grandmother because it is her birthday today. I already forgot how old she is though so that information, I can't give you, not that you cared right?

I'm not in a good mood. I don't know why, it happens, I cant help it. I feel inadequate in every way a person possibly could. I don't like myself physically very much as of late and I'm on the verge of mental hostility towards myself. There's something wrong with me, seriously we went about figuring this out years ago. It could be the simple solution that my latest tattoo is getting hardcore rejected in a certain area from my arm and it looks as though I tampered with it, and I know I didnt, and I know my artist know's I didnt, but it resting like that doesn't make me feel any better. But I know the whole thing goes much deeper than this tattoo... I don't know what it is, I cant solve it or anything, it's something that will just sit and eat at me until it feels it's full and dissapear as fast as it came on.

With that being said, that leaves me feeling sad, I cant help that either, my sad feeling, for several day's now, despite the time I've spent with my awesome boyfriend who came down from Tech on spring break a day early and I've been with him since. I love Bill to death, and it's not his fault that I was the least bit sad, but I know he knew, he let me know he knew, and there was nothing he could do... and I hate putting people through that and in that situation.

So though I miss him to death right now, even though we've yet been apart for even an hour, I'm glad to be alone because it's hard being around people that know you well when you're like this because they know there is something thats wrong and they figure they cant help you or they try too hard to help you and that just hurts them, I don't like hurting people I don't feel need to be hurt. I feel so bad..

And then there's all this stress, that could have something else to do with it. If I could just stop... stop thinking and if everything would just hold still...