Well today was about the worst day I have had in over two years. My mother had her surgery today to remove the "growth" (the doctors don't like to call it a tumor). It was supposed to be a routine 3 hour surgery, remove the thyroid, leave the parathyroid and any "growth" along with them. So three hours tuned into seven which is the most time I've spent in a hospital since my father died. So you can imagine where my mind was going especially since I wasn't getting any updates from the hospital staff.
Once the surgery was over and I finally got to speak with the doctor the news wasn't what I would call inspiring. The surgery took as long as it did because the "growth" was larger than what showed up in the scans from six weeks ago. It had attached itself to her chest wall and while the doctor didn't have anything else to say, (we still have to wait for the biopsy results) the doctor wasn't very reassuring. Given the fact that she was four hours behind in her surgeries for the day I can understand to a point but FUCK!!! you spent an extra four hours in surgery with my mother because the tumor pardon me "GROWTH" was nearly TWICE THE DAMN SIZE YOU FUCKING THOUGHT IT WOULD BE!!!!!!!! A few extra minutes of your time to explain to me WHAT THE FUCK THIS WILL MEAN IN THE NEXT FEW WEEKS wouldn't be asking too much WOULD IT!
The last thing my mother tells me after I finally get to see her is "Don't tell your sister what is going on. I don;t want her worrying."
Thanks mom, I love lying to my sister. Why am I always the damn keeper of secrets? Don't tell your sister, don't tell your father, don't tell your mother, don't tell mom and dad. Why do I have to be the rational one that has to hold everyone together?
My dad gave me power of attorney because he knew I would make the rational choice, the choice my mother couldn't make, even though she was a nurse for 30 years. He also wouldn't allow me to update my sister, (she was pregnant at the time) I did what I was told, like I always do, I am a good soldier I follow orders well.
But I'm a tired soldier and I need some time to figure some things out. Maybe it's selfish of me but since I did everything for my dad almost three years ago, I haven't had any time for myself. Between trying to help my son process his grief, walk my mother through hers and help her deal with things she hadn't ever dealt with like paying bills and managing money.
And I'm tired.
I will upload some nerd humor then I'm going to find the bottom of a bottle of some liquor that I find in the house.
FUCK.
Once the surgery was over and I finally got to speak with the doctor the news wasn't what I would call inspiring. The surgery took as long as it did because the "growth" was larger than what showed up in the scans from six weeks ago. It had attached itself to her chest wall and while the doctor didn't have anything else to say, (we still have to wait for the biopsy results) the doctor wasn't very reassuring. Given the fact that she was four hours behind in her surgeries for the day I can understand to a point but FUCK!!! you spent an extra four hours in surgery with my mother because the tumor pardon me "GROWTH" was nearly TWICE THE DAMN SIZE YOU FUCKING THOUGHT IT WOULD BE!!!!!!!! A few extra minutes of your time to explain to me WHAT THE FUCK THIS WILL MEAN IN THE NEXT FEW WEEKS wouldn't be asking too much WOULD IT!
The last thing my mother tells me after I finally get to see her is "Don't tell your sister what is going on. I don;t want her worrying."
Thanks mom, I love lying to my sister. Why am I always the damn keeper of secrets? Don't tell your sister, don't tell your father, don't tell your mother, don't tell mom and dad. Why do I have to be the rational one that has to hold everyone together?
My dad gave me power of attorney because he knew I would make the rational choice, the choice my mother couldn't make, even though she was a nurse for 30 years. He also wouldn't allow me to update my sister, (she was pregnant at the time) I did what I was told, like I always do, I am a good soldier I follow orders well.
But I'm a tired soldier and I need some time to figure some things out. Maybe it's selfish of me but since I did everything for my dad almost three years ago, I haven't had any time for myself. Between trying to help my son process his grief, walk my mother through hers and help her deal with things she hadn't ever dealt with like paying bills and managing money.
And I'm tired.
I will upload some nerd humor then I'm going to find the bottom of a bottle of some liquor that I find in the house.
FUCK.
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good luck