I haven't done a @bloghomework topic in quite a bit but the 5 things you wish you could tell yourself 5 years ago, was a MUST! Thanks @rambo and @missy for such a rad topic this week!
So 5 years ago I was barely coming up on 16, I was being homeschooled for more than a few reasons, but mainly due to the fact that I was severely "bullied" (I use air quotes because I don't mean it to sound victim-y) I was miserable and stuck in a town that I absolutely loathed, I had just experienced being sexually assualted the summer prior to freshman year starting, and basically didn't wanna deal with people. I felt like, why am I gonna go to school with the same kids I have been for the last 8 years (elementary&middle school) and deal with their BS when I could just start my own thing. I was on honor roll every quarter in school, minus a few toward the end, and was scouted by Duke University for academically gifted students. So I wasn't slacking academically by any means, but I was barely scraping by mentally and emotionally. If I could go back to myself now I would want to hold my own hand and tell myself things will change, both for the better and worse, and better again. A few things I would really emphasize to myself:
1. You will get out of this place,but surpisingly enough you'll actually miss it, not the people, but the places, the familiar spaces and memories in them. And you will move a lot more than you probably want to over the coming years, so be prepared! But don't hole up in the house so much, it'll become harder to leave, and eventually you'll have to push yourself to do so anyways.
2. You will find someone to give your everything to, and he will be so worth it. More than anything he will be worth the waiting, and you'll feel like the luckiest girl in the world, just a little while longer and you'll have a partner in everything. You'll be happy you waited for the right person, your person.
3. You WILL find your dad, but it won't be what you think.. I know you have such high hopes, and you'll tell yourself you don't, but unfortunately you will be let down, it will be a sort lived "relationship" but you will learn you were better off without him in your life, you will appreciate your mom even more than you already did, and even more for having taken you away from that scenario. This is the one, I'm not sure you'll ever find closure in, don't regret those birthday wishes, don't regret any of it, at least you'll be able to say you know.. You'll be able to say you did it, and you will be brave enough to face the man who changed the entire course of your life, and stick up to him when it starts going sideways. Your mom raised you for this, to stand your ground and not waiver.
4. Plan more before you move to WA, if you don't it's gonna be a lot harder the years that follow, but it'll still be worth it regardless, you will learn a lot of hard lessons, but you will grow exponentially!
5. And yeah, know how you're worried about not being able to do Suicidegirls one day? Worried you won't be "alternative enough"? Worried you won't be able to handle all the tattoos you want? Worried you won't be able to get naked and let people take your picture? Don't be, somehow when you turn 18 the shyness about your naked body goes out the window, you'll be awkward at first and have no clue what you're doing with your hands, but you'll grow SO much in your first few years of shooting. You'll have 6 amazing tattoos already before you're 21, and your entire lifestyle is "alternative" in the vanilla world, you got this boo!(; Just maaaaybe, shoot a few nude things first before submitting to Suicidegirls, but either way it'll lead you through an amazing and sometimes crazy journey, and you will meet so many beautiful souls throughout your experiences, and learn to love yourself more and more everyday.
If you haven't seen my latest set In Full Bloom I would love for you to take a look, and leave some feedback or love <3 I've loved reading everyone's comments and blogs and would absolutely looooove to see this set be my first SOTD! <3
Also a teaser of my next set I'll be submitting and I'm so excited about shot by the beautiful Milloux (my first staff shot set, yay!)
