mazarinefv

This is just a quick one being as I have to head to work in about 25 min and I'm not even dressed yet. It's a short day today and right after I have to head to Grandma's house. It's here. The days I've been dreading. The reason why I moved here. (By the by, the original theory was that I would only be in Memphrika for about six months. It'll be two years come x-mas.) Grandfather is experiencing his last week or so in the living world. There have been several false calls since I moved here. So close were they that I have apparently numbed myself to the inevitability of the current situation. The pacemaker stopped working about a week ago and the fluids started building up again. He suffers from advanced diabeties and congestive heart failure. His legs only exist in the form of brittle bone, enough muscle to twitch with, rice paper thin skin and nerves that oh-so efficiently express to him the intense pain that exists. This was a fat and jolly man not but three years ago. I can't even begin to describe what he looks like now.

His heart has slowed to such a rate that the likely-ood of him dying in his sleep is high. I never thought I'd say this, but please let it be soon. He's never been in this much pain before. He's been in a hospital bed in his living room at home for more than a year and half now, he's spent a quarter of that time not knowing where he is. Somehow he's always known who was talking to him and yet still listens to others in the room who don't exist. He's been completely blind for the better part of this past year, nearly blind for the past four.

I never danced with him and I never painted him a song. I may be twenty-six, but I'd give anything to take away twenty of those years so I could just crawl up in that bed and lie beside him.