mayarix

i feel as though i am sleeping on many days. it's alarming to wake up at 5am on a friday morning and realize that you don't really know when it was that thursday went by. i feel as though i am sleeping a lot these days. sleeping and sleep-walking through life. what was yesterday about?

it takes a real person to remain awake at the wheel every moment of every day. i think those people are truly special. they awaken and discover they are swinging their weapon fiercely to forge their life path. sometimes i feel i am waking up standing on the gallows right before the executioner pulls the level to let the floor slide away.

to swing, or to swing? how shall one live their life? days turn into nights and drone on into days with scarce the recognition that another one has passed. maybe it's due to getting older. nah. it's just due.

i want to live. i want to swing a weapon, too. sometimes, i feel i am. most times, i feel i am not. suicidegirls photoshoot: i am. daily life: i am not.

i feel as though i travel in a holding pattern over the grand plot of my life. circle in wide arcs, burn through jet fuel, and yet no one is there to pilot the plane to a safe landing. what am i waiting for?

wake up...