hm. so that does it. i mentioned my feelings to my friends with benefits partner. he insists that he doesn't want a relationship with me because relationships ruin friendships. i have discovered that we are never going to go out and we're never going to be anything more than what we are. i feel crushed. i feel hurt. i've been crying all day and i have a stupid photoshoot in 5 days that i need to be ready for!
i feel depressed, i feel lonely, and i feel worthless. i want to eat ice cream, have a comforting diary queen blizzard, and i promised myself i wouldn't eat sweet things all week. i just want to be loved and cared for by someone. and on top of that, i want someone who doesn't mind taking me out to go to goth night or just out on the town for pizza and a movie. i really don't expect the world. i just want someone who wishes to have fun with me. i want someone who's not afraid to have an emotional connection with me. i feel so unwanted; kind of like street trash. maybe that's what i am. and not worth anyone's effort.
enough bitching. if i can't be loved or cared for, then perhaps it's just best i learn to not expect love from anyone. i know what i should use for my suicidegirls name. "Loveless" it suits me well, don't you think? even more fitting when i take my first photoshoot, "the lovers bed"... ironic and just plain sad. hah. well then, no more tears for me. i am that i am: loveless suicide.
i feel depressed, i feel lonely, and i feel worthless. i want to eat ice cream, have a comforting diary queen blizzard, and i promised myself i wouldn't eat sweet things all week. i just want to be loved and cared for by someone. and on top of that, i want someone who doesn't mind taking me out to go to goth night or just out on the town for pizza and a movie. i really don't expect the world. i just want someone who wishes to have fun with me. i want someone who's not afraid to have an emotional connection with me. i feel so unwanted; kind of like street trash. maybe that's what i am. and not worth anyone's effort.
enough bitching. if i can't be loved or cared for, then perhaps it's just best i learn to not expect love from anyone. i know what i should use for my suicidegirls name. "Loveless" it suits me well, don't you think? even more fitting when i take my first photoshoot, "the lovers bed"... ironic and just plain sad. hah. well then, no more tears for me. i am that i am: loveless suicide.
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
The "benny-friends" thing rarely works, because you are usually only in it for the benefits, but not really the friendship.
Besides, if they didn't see how amazing you are, and care for you the same as you cared for them, then they didn't deserve you in the first place.
And I'd be down for pizza and a movie anytime.