A walk on the dark side of Mayari; perhaps this is the darkened eye which no longer sees. At least not like it once used to. I'm at work, sitting in the supervisor queue which means few to no calls while I sit at my desk with a computer. I can't use the corporate email and can't log into my account from here, so I'm obliged to write this in email and send it to my blackberry which then will post to the site.
My brother has apparently narked on me to mom and dad. I got a package from him that got returned because of the dumbasses at my apartment. I was going to make arrangements and have been stalling for lack of $$$ to have the package picked up. So now mom and dad want to "talk".
I hate these talks. I hate talking to mom and dad these days. They always manage to remind me of just what a loser I am and how little I have progressed in life. I am by far the darkest in spirit of all my family and mom refuses to understand that. Dad won't even come close to comprehending it. I always believed, even if I never said so, that I was the cuckoo of the family. Albeit chosen; I am a cuckoo nonetheless. A cuckoo bird, for those who don't know, will lay her eggs into the nests of other birds and then the parents of the nest will be obliged to raise the cuckoo bird as well as their own offspring.
My past, as an adopted child, is obscure and dark. I have no memory of my past. I have no clue what my parents might have been like or are currently like. And to a great extent, I believe that I have come to grips and terms with this knowledge. If one cannot do anything about it, then one shouldn't cry over it or feel remorse, even if given the opportunity.
To me, life is the ultimate journey of misery and is the saddest journey of the soul. We are born into this world crying, and we never stop mourning the thing called life until the day we die. Those of us who are lucky may have found some coping mechanism to make the journey of life at least bearable. And others still may find someone to accompany them on the path. I am not one of those. I have learned how to cope and make it bearable.
So, a little of my darkness creeps into my blog at least. My apologies... that is all.
My brother has apparently narked on me to mom and dad. I got a package from him that got returned because of the dumbasses at my apartment. I was going to make arrangements and have been stalling for lack of $$$ to have the package picked up. So now mom and dad want to "talk".
I hate these talks. I hate talking to mom and dad these days. They always manage to remind me of just what a loser I am and how little I have progressed in life. I am by far the darkest in spirit of all my family and mom refuses to understand that. Dad won't even come close to comprehending it. I always believed, even if I never said so, that I was the cuckoo of the family. Albeit chosen; I am a cuckoo nonetheless. A cuckoo bird, for those who don't know, will lay her eggs into the nests of other birds and then the parents of the nest will be obliged to raise the cuckoo bird as well as their own offspring.
My past, as an adopted child, is obscure and dark. I have no memory of my past. I have no clue what my parents might have been like or are currently like. And to a great extent, I believe that I have come to grips and terms with this knowledge. If one cannot do anything about it, then one shouldn't cry over it or feel remorse, even if given the opportunity.
To me, life is the ultimate journey of misery and is the saddest journey of the soul. We are born into this world crying, and we never stop mourning the thing called life until the day we die. Those of us who are lucky may have found some coping mechanism to make the journey of life at least bearable. And others still may find someone to accompany them on the path. I am not one of those. I have learned how to cope and make it bearable.
So, a little of my darkness creeps into my blog at least. My apologies... that is all.
tiger_fodder:
Siblings can be very cruel. This will pass. They will get over it. You can continue the life that you choose knowing you are being true to yourself. Do not let anyone bring you down, even if they are your parents.
luh:
No prob. you're just keeping it real. I learned that you have to choose to be happy. You can choose your emotions. True happiness comes from within, it can't be forced by outside forces if acknowledging that and moving on instead of harboring negative emotions until there's a flare up. We choose our feelings, no one can do that for us.